Marriage #1167 | asked by sutts13 4 years ago
My mother in law has caused problems in my marriage from day one. She refuses to come visit my home when I am there. When I agreed to visit her last Christmas she makes snide remarks such as “are you feeling ok, your stomach looks really distended.”
“Oh, I don’t remember your brother, your wedding was such a horrible day for me” I can handle her rude remarks, but what I can’t handle is my husband never sticking up for me. He just lets her say these things right in front of him. After the Christmas incident, we started counseling.
Over the summer we decided to have a trail separation while I visited my family who live out of state. We hoped that this separation would spark missing one another. We still talked several times a day and things seemed to be going well. One evening my husband didn’t return my phone call. The next morning was more of the same. I started to get concerned when he wasn’t answering his work phone. After several hours of calling him, he finally texted me “I’m fine, at home playing hooky…passed out on couch” The second after I received his text I called him back. No answer. After several more hours of non answered phone calls, I decided to take the next flight home to see what was up myself. Not answering his phone is completely out of character, I knew something was wrong.
I checked in, but my flight was delayed. My husband finally returns my call, at 8:30pm. I tell him that I am coming home. He freaks out, telling me not to. I ask him, knowing that someone is there, who is there. Finally he replies, my mother. I told him that I wish he would have informed me that she was coming, but I am coming home, my stuff is already checked in. He starts yelling at me, I hear her yelling in the background. He is now repeating what she says verbatim. I keep telling him that it’s not a big deal, I will keep to myself, but I am coming home. He is now irate, telling me if I come home we are getting a divorce. I calmly explained to him, if he is forbidding me to come to my own home because his mother doesn’t want me there that this will lead to divorce. The last thing he says to me is “now you made her leave” and hangs up the phone.
To make matters worse he doesn’t return my phone calls or e-mails for a week, even when I was in the hospital (I got so upset I had a really bad asthma attack). When I get home his mother is gone, and he wants to make it work, but never sincerely apologizes. What do I do? Do I stay or do I leave? He is a great man when his mother is not around. (Also his mother lives several states away).