answered
Is it selfish to follow my dreams and should I call it a day?!
Sorry if this drags on, but I have a few issues so please help!!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years now, he is 27 and I am 23 we own a house together which is in a town close to where I grew up and went to University..
I went to Uni for 2 years with the dream of working around the country (not staying close to home!) so I could get out and meet new people. I got offered a job working in my dream location, but gave it up because my bf was completing a traineeship which he loved and couldn't leave at the time... He doesn't live in him home town, and because of the age difference had already worked around the country before meeting me.
I worked in a job I hated for 3 years, and since then have gone back to Uni by correspondence to try something else, meanwhile my partner has finished his traineeship and is now free to move away from here...
I have asked him many times to move away, but he thinks I am being selfish because he loves his job here and uses our house as an excuse to stay in this area... I also dream of travelling around the world working, but he has no motivation to do anything... He doesn't get out and enjoy life, which really brings me down sometimes, I find it so hard to motivate him to do anything..
Our relationship is very rocky, he hates me spending time with my friends and I have lost friends because of him... He isn't interested in anything I do or want in life, and there is no talk of the future... marriage, kids or anything....
I fell pregnant a year ago and had some complications... he didn't support me
at all and made it pretty clear that he wasn't ready for a child. He didn't want to touch me during or after I was pregnant, I was so crushed and felt as though I had a disease...
My current job is coming to an end, so I feel as though I can't get out of the relationship because I'm financially reliant on him.. I have a job interview in a town that is 3 hours away from here for a job that could potentially be my dream role, should I take it and risk financial issues or try to work this relationship out here?
I have really low self esteem from this relationship, and realise that it takes two to fight, so I contribute problems to this also. He doesn't want to talk about our problems, just gets really angry and turns into a massive fight.
My unhappiness has lead me to fall in love with another person, who although nothing has happened we agree that we love each other and one day in the future we might be... I feel guilty, but at the same time do I deserve to be happy?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years now, he is 27 and I am 23 we own a house together which is in a town close to where I grew up and went to University..
I went to Uni for 2 years with the dream of working around the country (not staying close to home!) so I could get out and meet new people. I got offered a job working in my dream location, but gave it up because my bf was completing a traineeship which he loved and couldn't leave at the time... He doesn't live in him home town, and because of the age difference had already worked around the country before meeting me.
I worked in a job I hated for 3 years, and since then have gone back to Uni by correspondence to try something else, meanwhile my partner has finished his traineeship and is now free to move away from here...
I have asked him many times to move away, but he thinks I am being selfish because he loves his job here and uses our house as an excuse to stay in this area... I also dream of travelling around the world working, but he has no motivation to do anything... He doesn't get out and enjoy life, which really brings me down sometimes, I find it so hard to motivate him to do anything..
Our relationship is very rocky, he hates me spending time with my friends and I have lost friends because of him... He isn't interested in anything I do or want in life, and there is no talk of the future... marriage, kids or anything....
I fell pregnant a year ago and had some complications... he didn't support me
at all and made it pretty clear that he wasn't ready for a child. He didn't want to touch me during or after I was pregnant, I was so crushed and felt as though I had a disease...
My current job is coming to an end, so I feel as though I can't get out of the relationship because I'm financially reliant on him.. I have a job interview in a town that is 3 hours away from here for a job that could potentially be my dream role, should I take it and risk financial issues or try to work this relationship out here?
I have really low self esteem from this relationship, and realise that it takes two to fight, so I contribute problems to this also. He doesn't want to talk about our problems, just gets really angry and turns into a massive fight.
My unhappiness has lead me to fall in love with another person, who although nothing has happened we agree that we love each other and one day in the future we might be... I feel guilty, but at the same time do I deserve to be happy?
best answer by Karma17...
This reminds me of me. I was in a relationship like this for 16 years (since I was 17). He was the same...no ambition, negative, not interested in travelling, socialising, wanting more in his job. I am the opposite...i look for opportunity & keep a positive mind.When I started Uni, it opened my eyes to a world of possibilities that I thought would be great for the both of us. He didn't sgree. He wanted to stay in the same place he grew up & die there! I'm always someone to see both sides of a story & not afraid to take some blame & responsibility for my actions if warranted but he wasn't. We had a house, couple of cars & loans together & this is probably what kept me there for so long. We got married after 13 years, even though I had to push myself down the aisle. Don't get me wrong, I loved him but the intimacy had fizzled the last few years. I can honestly tell you he told me he loved me 4 times & said Sorry once in all those years. I know he loved me but I needed more.
Then one day I realised the financial stuff didn't matter, what mattered was my happiness. Did I want this for the rest of my life or did I want to be happy? I walked away with one car & not much else but I was free & happy. That was over 3 years ago. I'm now 35, am in a great relationship with someone who shows me affection & love everyday, my career has boomed & I've travelled! I'm so much happier.
Don't feel bad about loving someone else, the love was obviously gone anyway. If it feels right do it. Always listen to your gut instinct, if it feels right then it is right. If you close one door many others will open. Get out of that town, enjoy life & most of all enjoy the new you! Don't worry about your BF, you've tried long enough, it's time for him to help himself to grow. He will probably do more than he thought he could do if you two separate.
Think positive, keep positive. No regrets. You'll be great. Good luck. xo
This reminds me of me. I was in a relationship like this for 16 years (since I was 17). He was the same...no ambition, negative, not interested in travelling, socialising, wanting more in his job. I am the opposite...i look for opportunity & keep a positive mind.When I started Uni, it opened my eyes to a world of possibilities that I thought would be great for the both of us. He didn't sgree. He wanted to stay in the same place he grew up & die there! I'm always someone to see both sides of a story & not afraid to take some blame & responsibility for my actions if warranted but he wasn't. We had a house, couple of cars & loans together & this is probably what kept me there for so long. We got married after 13 years, even though I had to push myself down the aisle. Don't get me wrong, I loved him but the intimacy had fizzled the last few years. I can honestly tell you he told me he loved me 4 times & said Sorry once in all those years. I know he loved me but I needed more.
Then one day I realised the financial stuff didn't matter, what mattered was my happiness. Did I want this for the rest of my life or did I want to be happy? I walked away with one car & not much else but I was free & happy. That was over 3 years ago. I'm now 35, am in a great relationship with someone who shows me affection & love everyday, my career has boomed & I've travelled! I'm so much happier.
Don't feel bad about loving someone else, the love was obviously gone anyway. If it feels right do it. Always listen to your gut instinct, if it feels right then it is right. If you close one door many others will open. Get out of that town, enjoy life & most of all enjoy the new you! Don't worry about your BF, you've tried long enough, it's time for him to help himself to grow. He will probably do more than he thought he could do if you two separate.
Think positive, keep positive. No regrets. You'll be great. Good luck. xo
Not loading? Please enable javascript.
Still not working? You may have to close and re-open your browser.