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Was this an inappropriate conversation to have had?
My best friend has just moved back home after spending 2 years travelling overseas, a few months before coming home he met a girl and she moved back home with him.
Lets for the sake of the story call my best friend Barry and his gf Sally.
Barry and I have been best mates for close to 10 years, he has been with Sally for about 6 months - according to both of them she offered to move for him it was not asked.
Since they have been home she has been pushing and pushing and PUSHING for marriage and children - Barry doesnt seem all the interested and appears to be a little unhappy in the relationship.
The other night at a 'do' Sally was talking to Barrys parents - she was telling them how she thought Barry didnt brush his teeth often enough. May I point out right here that both Barry and Sally are 27 years old. And she was explaining to his parents that she doesnt see him do this at night and it disgusts her - and then relayed it back to some story from her childhood - at which point his parents became quite defensive and a little offended at her allegation. I can not blame them - the tone in which she was talking was as if she was 16 and profanity to her high school friends.
In the 10 years ive known Barry - his oral hygiene has never been anything less than immaculate from what Ive seen. He has dental check ups, his breath is never off and his teeth are pearly white.
This was rather disturbing to hear from her, I took offence in her speaking about my best mate like that, his parents were very offended and told me so later after she left the room.
I feel that someone who is pushing their partner into marriage and family should not be talking about this in the way she did to his parents. I was humiliated on his behalf - and he was outside. He had no chance of rebuttal.
So I ask:
1 - why the hell did she feel the need to discuss such a personal matter with his parents and more so in the profanity, dibber dobber way that she did if she thinks this is the guy she wants to marry?
2 - should he be told about the discussion she chose to have with his family in his absence?
Im stuck here, because if my boyfriend decided to say something like that to my parents without me there to bat for myself, I would absolutely like to know so that I could tell him those conversations are highly inappropriate to have with other members of MY family.
However, I would be humiliated if a friend informed me that my partner had had such a conversation about me. I do not want Barry to feel humiliated.
Is it a case of what he doesnt know cant hurt him? Or does he have a right to know that Sally is having nasty toned conversations about him with his family behind his back?
Updates
Okay, just to answer a few things asked and to clarify one thing in particular.
Im not sure its citizenship she is after, she is from the US and this is her first time here. She never really had any desire to leave the US until she met Barry.
Barry is in no way still in the infatuation stage - he is constantly pulling her up on things that she has taken control of - like answering his phone when it rings stating that it is 'their' phone - although he has had that phone since before he left. Trust me - she does do wrong - he see's it but she is so controlling that he ends up apologising to her because she chucks a massive wobbly when he doesnt side with her!
Does she have something up her sleeve? Yes, we all believe so. She is dead set on marriage and babies - i think she thinks her time is running out and constantly talks about it to his parents and friends - he just ignores it when she talks about it. We are very frightened that one day soon - she will discover she is pregnant.
Now before you say it takes two to tango - we all know thats true but this wouldnt be the first time a female has become pregnant by tricks and what not.
oh and last of all - I most certainly do not think that we are better suited together. I am simply worried because this is not the first time he has chosen a gf that perhaps isnt the most sane - which is fine its his life. However this is the first one that appears to have the determination to get pregnant by him ASAP!!
Lets for the sake of the story call my best friend Barry and his gf Sally.
Barry and I have been best mates for close to 10 years, he has been with Sally for about 6 months - according to both of them she offered to move for him it was not asked.
Since they have been home she has been pushing and pushing and PUSHING for marriage and children - Barry doesnt seem all the interested and appears to be a little unhappy in the relationship.
The other night at a 'do' Sally was talking to Barrys parents - she was telling them how she thought Barry didnt brush his teeth often enough. May I point out right here that both Barry and Sally are 27 years old. And she was explaining to his parents that she doesnt see him do this at night and it disgusts her - and then relayed it back to some story from her childhood - at which point his parents became quite defensive and a little offended at her allegation. I can not blame them - the tone in which she was talking was as if she was 16 and profanity to her high school friends.
In the 10 years ive known Barry - his oral hygiene has never been anything less than immaculate from what Ive seen. He has dental check ups, his breath is never off and his teeth are pearly white.
This was rather disturbing to hear from her, I took offence in her speaking about my best mate like that, his parents were very offended and told me so later after she left the room.
I feel that someone who is pushing their partner into marriage and family should not be talking about this in the way she did to his parents. I was humiliated on his behalf - and he was outside. He had no chance of rebuttal.
So I ask:
1 - why the hell did she feel the need to discuss such a personal matter with his parents and more so in the profanity, dibber dobber way that she did if she thinks this is the guy she wants to marry?
2 - should he be told about the discussion she chose to have with his family in his absence?
Im stuck here, because if my boyfriend decided to say something like that to my parents without me there to bat for myself, I would absolutely like to know so that I could tell him those conversations are highly inappropriate to have with other members of MY family.
However, I would be humiliated if a friend informed me that my partner had had such a conversation about me. I do not want Barry to feel humiliated.
Is it a case of what he doesnt know cant hurt him? Or does he have a right to know that Sally is having nasty toned conversations about him with his family behind his back?
Updates
Okay, just to answer a few things asked and to clarify one thing in particular.
Im not sure its citizenship she is after, she is from the US and this is her first time here. She never really had any desire to leave the US until she met Barry.
Barry is in no way still in the infatuation stage - he is constantly pulling her up on things that she has taken control of - like answering his phone when it rings stating that it is 'their' phone - although he has had that phone since before he left. Trust me - she does do wrong - he see's it but she is so controlling that he ends up apologising to her because she chucks a massive wobbly when he doesnt side with her!
Does she have something up her sleeve? Yes, we all believe so. She is dead set on marriage and babies - i think she thinks her time is running out and constantly talks about it to his parents and friends - he just ignores it when she talks about it. We are very frightened that one day soon - she will discover she is pregnant.
Now before you say it takes two to tango - we all know thats true but this wouldnt be the first time a female has become pregnant by tricks and what not.
oh and last of all - I most certainly do not think that we are better suited together. I am simply worried because this is not the first time he has chosen a gf that perhaps isnt the most sane - which is fine its his life. However this is the first one that appears to have the determination to get pregnant by him ASAP!!
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