answered
Am I allowed to have friends of the opposite sex
my present ex-fiancee blamed me for a relationship failing since I had/have many online female friends. And that is all they were friends. Most of my female friends are from out of state. My ex fiancee complained even about my friends on my facebook who I went to high school and college with, my take is "if they didnt want to date me then, why would you want to date me now". My question is this (and this is her point of view):
- two people who are in a relationship *cant* have opposite sex friends who are single because they maybe some sexual undertones to it
- a person in a relationship cant have have a single male/female friend, and go out to dinner or out for coffee with them,without another person of a different sex because of sexual undertones
- a person in a relationship cant have friends of the opposite sex because of the same points above.
This was an ongoing problem in the relationship and has festerd into countless fights. Am I wrong for having female friends (when the female friends knew full well I was in a relationship)
Updates
addendum: I failed to mention that she tells me she dont want to contact me, and when I block her screen name, she comes back with another. And tells me she is in a new relationship. Why is she bothering me if she is with someone, and contacts me with multiple screen names?
- two people who are in a relationship *cant* have opposite sex friends who are single because they maybe some sexual undertones to it
- a person in a relationship cant have have a single male/female friend, and go out to dinner or out for coffee with them,without another person of a different sex because of sexual undertones
- a person in a relationship cant have friends of the opposite sex because of the same points above.
This was an ongoing problem in the relationship and has festerd into countless fights. Am I wrong for having female friends (when the female friends knew full well I was in a relationship)
Updates
addendum: I failed to mention that she tells me she dont want to contact me, and when I block her screen name, she comes back with another. And tells me she is in a new relationship. Why is she bothering me if she is with someone, and contacts me with multiple screen names?
best answer by Bundii...
Your ex sounds as though she has some major trust issues going on, and I think you'll find whether she was with you or Joe Bloe down the road, she would still have trust issues.
That said, if you were engaged, I'm sure she was well aware of the fact that you had plenty of friends when she met you, therefore if she wasn't comfortable with it, it would have been nice of her to mention something then rather than now. It just seems like a waste of time. Maybe she thought she could have a relationship and change you and get you to ditch the friends for her ? Which is probably what would have happened if you didn't stand your ground.
As for tip toeing around the block you've placed on messenger to stop her contacting you, that just sounds kind of stalkerish, but thats what jealous people do. They can start acting quite obsessed. It doesn't sound like she's hurt that you broke up, more so she's hurt because you won't dump your friends for her, so now she's taunting you with ideas that she's found a new guy so that in her strange world she can try and make you feel the same jealousy that she feels. Obviously that won't happen, because you are much more level headed than that and see things how they are.
All in all, she has issues she must sort out before she gets emotionally involved again, because a controlling relationship will never ever work. This girl is not for you. Put it down as a learning experience, and now you know the signs to watch for to avoid the same thing happening again. Good luck.
Your ex sounds as though she has some major trust issues going on, and I think you'll find whether she was with you or Joe Bloe down the road, she would still have trust issues.
That said, if you were engaged, I'm sure she was well aware of the fact that you had plenty of friends when she met you, therefore if she wasn't comfortable with it, it would have been nice of her to mention something then rather than now. It just seems like a waste of time. Maybe she thought she could have a relationship and change you and get you to ditch the friends for her ? Which is probably what would have happened if you didn't stand your ground.
As for tip toeing around the block you've placed on messenger to stop her contacting you, that just sounds kind of stalkerish, but thats what jealous people do. They can start acting quite obsessed. It doesn't sound like she's hurt that you broke up, more so she's hurt because you won't dump your friends for her, so now she's taunting you with ideas that she's found a new guy so that in her strange world she can try and make you feel the same jealousy that she feels. Obviously that won't happen, because you are much more level headed than that and see things how they are.
All in all, she has issues she must sort out before she gets emotionally involved again, because a controlling relationship will never ever work. This girl is not for you. Put it down as a learning experience, and now you know the signs to watch for to avoid the same thing happening again. Good luck.
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