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shadow2x asks

I don't want to waste time/get hurt again.Should I keep my commitment to my gf or should I start dating other?  

Dating | Closed

Our story goes back like 6 years, we have had a crush since then, but got together until now. We have been boyfriend (bf) and girlfriend (gf) for almost two years. We live in different cities, two years ago due to University, now because jobs. Both of us had previous relationships, we both had been two years with our previous couple. We were open about them, and even talked about them a little bit, the normal stuff.

Relationship historical:
0-6months.- it was ok, many questions, just checking from both sides how good could it be being together, testing new grounds as you may say. I noticed some small lies from her side and she was a little bit cold. I thought that it will pass with the time, and that all will be better each day.

6-12 months.- I noticed a few changes on her behaviour towards me. She didn't care if we talked on the phone or see each other once a month.

On the12th month.- I found out that that she lied many times about talking to her ex-boyfriend (exb). Key points:

- Her exb is the kind of the stalker guy, that calls many times a day and goes looking for her when he wants to see her.
- He called her like three times a day and she answered his calls. I only called her once.
- All this time she was the one asking about exes, and when it was her turn she lied many times saying that she hasn't seen him or talked to him.
- Her ex wanted to get back with her, a few times he told her about it, and she said no, that she was only his friend. I have read the emails where she said this to him.
- She went out (coffee/dinner) with him once a week for the last two months.

Before telling her that I knew all this, I asked her about her exb, and she said that she hasn't talked to him nor seen him. To which I told her that she was a big @#$#@$ lier, that I knew all her lies and that she better said something. All that she said is that they were only friends and that I wouldn't understand If she had told me. The next thing I said is that it was over, we broke up. She started crying and asking me to forgive her, that she didn't do anything wrong, they were just friends. I was so sad and disappointed, because I really loved her. I knew that I didn't knew anything about her betraying me as a man, all there was lies. I understand that she feels something for her exb, I do for my exg too, but I don't lie about seeing her and stuff. After a few hours of thinking it, I accepted her petition about giving her another chance. She said that I was the most important person in her life and that she would never betray me as a man, and I do loved her. I could see in her eyes that she was really sorry and I felt some of that love, but still couldn't help feeling sad and anger about all her lies.

Well, we went on with the relationship, and because of what happened I asked her to cut any relationship with her exb, that I wouldn't tolerate any more surprises.

The Extra.-
Well another surprise, during the time they were friends, her exb, asked her for help to get a used car on credit, and she did help him. This guy couldn't get the credit because he has a bad credit history. So she helped him getting the credit on her name. She went to the bank and signed the papers to get a credit (three years) for a used car (Mercedes ML-500), which he has been paying since the beginning.

When I heard this, I said to her that she better went back to him that she didn't care about me when she did this, and that if she was interested in me to all me back when she didn't have any tie with him. All that she said was that it had been a stupid mistake when she did it, and that it was only money, nothing else. What do you think??

Well I told her that if it was true and she wanted to stay with me, that she better to cut any tie with him. She tried to change the name on the credit, but she couldn't, the bank made one of these contracts where it's all tied to you. She could take the car and sell it but I know it will be a legal struggle that I don't want to get involved.

Her exb has been making the payments on the credit, and has been emailing her now and then, telling her that he want's to see her, she always is polite to him and says no. She has asked him, many times and always in a very nice way, to pay the rest of the credit in advance, but he always says that he can't.

I am mad, because this guy is a sweet talker and that love to bluff, eat in expensive restaurants, flush the money and the expensive clothes, but doesn't has money to pay his debts. I believe that he will maintain that tie of the credit (two more years) only to have something of her, he has never stopped being interested on her.

We kept on going on the relationship, she has swore to me that I'm her only love and that there is nobody else more important for her in this world. I do love her, but I get very upset whenever this guy emails her trying to get close to her and answers back being affective with him and saying thins like "god bless you, best wishes, bla bla, no".

I have told her many times, that she better know what she wants, because if she is not going to be with me completely then that she better goes away or I will.

16th month.
It has been very obvious that she still feels something for her exb, she has even told me that she feels affection for him, and I kind of understand it. But because of what happened I just don't tolerate anything about him.

I just don't know what to do sometimes, specially with the extra surprise. I do feel that I love her, but some other times all the lies go trough my head and feel so sad and mad that I hate the day I fell in love with her.

Is it right to believe again and love her as much as she is trying? Is it right to stay with the one that supposedly loves you more than anything but still has hurt you badly?

I need some advice, please help.



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