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OJCamero asks

What to do? Said she doesn't love me anymore. Doesn't know if she wants to work on marriage.  

Marriage | Closed

My wife and I have been together for 9 and half years. Married 4 and a half. When we got together everything was great like all relationships. Over time I got sucked into a video game and neglected my wife. Was spending a tremendous amount of time on my game and not with her. To make matters worst I picked at her about her weight and even convinced her to have an abortion around our second year together. We where young, and I thought it was a good idea because it would allow us to finish our education, work on careers and then have a child when we where financially stable. At the time we where still both living with parents and only 17 and 20. I know now it was the wrong decision and I would take it back in a heartbeat if I could.

We ended up moving away from her family to peruse my career in the movie industry out in LA. My wife ended up going to nursing school while we where out there. Three months before her graduation I was offered a job in Miami. At this time both my wife and I where full times students with no income. We where living off loans to get by. I ended up taking the job and lived at my place of employment. I asked my wife if she would be willing to relocate back home while we saved money to move her down and get a place. She agreed and moved in with her family. This was only supposed to be temporary, maybe 3 months. Well economy tanked and that three months turned into a year. I would make sure to come up every month or two to spend the weekend with her. The last time I came up she told me that she no longer was in love with me. She had a lot of time living away from me to remember all the bad times and how crappy I treated her. I agreed with her and how I was neglecting her. I was 100% in the wrong and I knew it. My parents where going through the exact situation at the same time. I was the man my father taught me to be and it wasn't the greatest. I learned from the experience, put my career behind me and moved my wife to being #1 in my life.

I moved back home to be closer to her and attempt to make the marriage work. I have spent the past 4 months changing myself as a person mentally, physically and spiritually. I have gone through 6 different marriage audio programs like Mortl Fertel's Marriage Fitness, Anthony Robbin's Ultimate Relationship Program, and Gary Smalley's Relationship program to name a few. I have learned the error of my ways and have taken steps to becoming a better person and husband. Her family as well as her have seen the changes in me. They all say I am a new person and they like it. The problem now is that my wife says she doesn't love me. She still has resentment towards me and still gets angry just at the sight of me. She has agreed to go to a counselor for herself, not the marriage. She said that she must see if she even wants to try and salvage the marriage. I am hoping that a counselor will help her to understand that she is capable of forgiving me but I'm scared at the same time. It can work the other way.

I'm emotionally spent and don't know what to do. I can't afford to see a counselor myself so I'm resulting to forums for advice and support. I'm not a perfect man by far but I'm a much better person than I ever was. I no longer play games on the computer, call her and text her everyday to wish her a great day. Call her beautiful with every opportunity, cook surprise dinners and take it to her work. I'm doing everything I can think of to show her that she is the number one thing in my life but she won't open her heart. She's afraid to get hurt again and that things won't change but I don't know what else to do. I will continue to try and be the best husband I can possibly be but it's difficult with us not living together and her resentment towards me.




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