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jg2006 asks

My work now requires me to travel, but she wants me to quit or will breakup with me.  

Dating | Closed

I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now. I think she is absolutely amazing, but there are moments where I just can't understand her. The second week we began dating, I was laid off from my job and I was pretty devastated. She stayed by my side and I'm extremely grateful for that. I know that our bond is very strong for her to be with me while I was looking for work for almost 8-10 weeks. I was getting very afraid that I may have to take a job out of state just temporarily to keep the bills paid and my mortgage paid on time, but I knew how much I wanted to be with her and I dipped more into savings and threw some stuff on credit to try to land a job here. Well, in June, I got a job that paid about 20% more than I did previously, but it's only on a contract basis and not full-time at this moment. During this time, I haven't needed to travel, but recently my boss said that he'd be looking to sign me on full time, but there might be some travel requirements (maybe up to 15%). I'm already scheduled to go on a one-week trip out of town next week and my girlfriend is very upset. She says that this is the one thing that she will not compromise on and if I go on the trip, she will break up with me. I ask her why that is the case, and that a lot of people have to travel for their jobs, even if they don't want to do it. She said that there are a lot of jobs that don't require travel and her dad never traveled and her brother doesn't (however, both of them are very wealthy and older). I'm only 26 years old and trying to build both a career and a long-term future for us. While I wouldn't like to travel much at all, I can understand there may be a necessity to it, especially based upon my seniority (or lack thereof), marriage status, and economic conditions. I was on the verge of bankruptcy right before I got this job and am slowly digging out of my debt, while saving more for the future; I don't want to lose this job because I can see myself thriving and moving up in the future. However, my girlfriend says that she is simply miserable with the idea of me traveling and knows that it will force her to break up with me if I even have to travel about 6 weeks out of the year. I tried to level with her and say that I understand this is a major sacrifice she would be making for her emotions, but if she's so determined to fail, then I question her loyalty to me (in response, she questions why I won't quit or tell my boss I won't travel to show my loyalty). Her main quote is that she "only has one life to live and does not think any nights should be spent away from the person you want to be with." I fire back with questions of neediness or attachment problems (I will admit that was a rude and personal attack), because it's simply an emotion or fear that I don't understand. I can understand not wanting this to happen, but I think that our world is in a turbulent enough time that everyone has to look out for what is best for themselves and their future while navigating it, no matter how difficult the path. I'm a more independent person who likes to read books, or play basketball, or watch sports on the weekends and sometimes we argue that I'm a homebody. However, we do spend almost every night together and every weekend. I don't go on weekend trips with guy friends or spend nights away from her for fun; and I've agreed to her request that I not go on bachelor parties (because in case we end up at a strip club, she'll be upset and consider it a form of cheating). I don't go to strip clubs or think a bachelor party is necessary, but I simply don't know what to do to try and calm her nerves and understand whether this need for constant time and resistance to travel is something that shows a deeper problem which is being projected upon me and guilt tripping me. I sometimes feel suffocated and I'm ok if it affects my personal life or activities (such as video game time or the like), but when it can threaten my professional life and career (a vehicle that I think will help us to build a stronger life together if we get more serious), it may be crossing the line. I don't want to be gone for half the year because I want to spend time with someone I care about, but I don't want to be told I can't go on a brief business trip simply because I went on one last month and have to jeopardize my future. I don't want to be mean to her, but I kind of want to be able to stand my ground while not losing my girlfriend in the process. Anyone who has a little advice or experience is welcome to offer it. Thank you.



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