In Hot Water Over A Coffee Order
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Side 2
Side 2
Side 1 says...
My folks text from a coffee shop, offering to bring us something. He says, "Order me a mocha or a latte or something." I relay this exact information: "He says a mocha or a latte." They bring him a mocha, which he drinks happily...UNTIL he finds out that they, not me, actually picked the specific drink. He then yells at me that I broke an agreement and betrayed his trust because I didn't do exactly what he asked, we get into it for over an hour, and he ends up leaving for the evening because he's so angry.
I saw to it that he got an acceptable drink. I don't see why he's so concerned with how I went about it. He says he was counting on me to personally pick something he'd like...well, I may know him, but I know nothing about lattes; I've been to this place maybe twice whereas my folks go all the time; he already narrowed it down to two choices he'd be OK with...it didn't even occur to me that leaving the decision to someone better informed would be a big deal.
He says I'm an idiot and it should've been 100% clear that I had to be the one to choose. I say it's open to interpretation and his anger is over the top and unjustified. Help.
I saw to it that he got an acceptable drink. I don't see why he's so concerned with how I went about it. He says he was counting on me to personally pick something he'd like...well, I may know him, but I know nothing about lattes; I've been to this place maybe twice whereas my folks go all the time; he already narrowed it down to two choices he'd be OK with...it didn't even occur to me that leaving the decision to someone better informed would be a big deal.
He says I'm an idiot and it should've been 100% clear that I had to be the one to choose. I say it's open to interpretation and his anger is over the top and unjustified. Help.
Added by mosaic (female)
Side 2 says...
On the surface, this appears to be a petty, pathetic argument over a tasty free mocha that amounts to a rather large waste of time for everyone involved; my apologies. This argument, however, doesn't involve coffee: it involves the trust and responsibility inherent to an agreement of any size or level of importance.
I was asked if I would like something from a coffee shop. I then said, thinking out loud, that I didn't want black coffee or something like an espresso, following up with, "[Wife's name], WILL YOU order me a mocha or a latte or something foo-fooey?" My wife said, "sure."
I asked my wife if she were willing to order a sweet drink for me, and she said she would. I didn't entrust this decision to her parents, someone at the coffeeshop, or anyone else: I entrusted the decision to my wife. If she didn't want to have the responsibility of ordering for me, all she had to say was that she'd rather not, or that I should tell that (i.e mocha, or latte...) to her parents, or place my own order, etc.
The sole issue, for me, is that I asked if SHE would do something for me, SHE said she would, and then SHE didn't do what she said she would do. When we were discussing this issue after the fact of whether or not an agreement was made, she said that her response of "sure" to my question of "WILL YOU" did not constitute an agreement that she would do something for me.
This event has shaken my trust in my wife. If I directly ask someone "will you do [insert a request]" and they say they will do/fulfill [said request], then I believe an agreement was reached and that person will do/fulfill my request. If they say they will and then they don't do/fulfill the request, then I hold that person responsible. In my experience, this is how social structures, which are based on trust and resposnibility, work in intimate, interpersonal, and professional realtionships.
I am completely open to being wrong that a person assumes the responsibility to do/fulfill a request when they say they will do something, and I am equally open to the perspective that I shouldn't lose trust in my wife because saying Yes to a request doesn't mean anything (i.e. I should've placed my own order).
So, Internet, please mediate for us and, if this was not in fact an agreement where I placed my trust in another person who willingly chose to accept a responsibility to do/fulfill, then please tell me what does make an agreement between two people.
"If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities."
Thank You
I was asked if I would like something from a coffee shop. I then said, thinking out loud, that I didn't want black coffee or something like an espresso, following up with, "[Wife's name], WILL YOU order me a mocha or a latte or something foo-fooey?" My wife said, "sure."
I asked my wife if she were willing to order a sweet drink for me, and she said she would. I didn't entrust this decision to her parents, someone at the coffeeshop, or anyone else: I entrusted the decision to my wife. If she didn't want to have the responsibility of ordering for me, all she had to say was that she'd rather not, or that I should tell that (i.e mocha, or latte...) to her parents, or place my own order, etc.
The sole issue, for me, is that I asked if SHE would do something for me, SHE said she would, and then SHE didn't do what she said she would do. When we were discussing this issue after the fact of whether or not an agreement was made, she said that her response of "sure" to my question of "WILL YOU" did not constitute an agreement that she would do something for me.
This event has shaken my trust in my wife. If I directly ask someone "will you do [insert a request]" and they say they will do/fulfill [said request], then I believe an agreement was reached and that person will do/fulfill my request. If they say they will and then they don't do/fulfill the request, then I hold that person responsible. In my experience, this is how social structures, which are based on trust and resposnibility, work in intimate, interpersonal, and professional realtionships.
I am completely open to being wrong that a person assumes the responsibility to do/fulfill a request when they say they will do something, and I am equally open to the perspective that I shouldn't lose trust in my wife because saying Yes to a request doesn't mean anything (i.e. I should've placed my own order).
So, Internet, please mediate for us and, if this was not in fact an agreement where I placed my trust in another person who willingly chose to accept a responsibility to do/fulfill, then please tell me what does make an agreement between two people.
"If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities."
Thank You
Added by RationalINTJ (male)
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