My Boyfriend Is Being Insensitive

"I couldn't be MORE sorry for my behavior. Our relationship had become fairly stressed while trying to bring a passionate, 'true love' relationship together out of the belly of the 'long distance' beast.

We had been having issues while trying to figure out how to be together and, through my OWN insecurities, I began to think Karen didn't trust me. I began feeling isolated because I felt that HER past issues with other guys was interfering with us moving forward with the exciting life we were planning together. I hear about the 'other' bad experiences in her life and I want to only give her the BEST, of everything.

We were talking about big, huge, exciting plans but there was always something that seemed to hold us back a bit. I was under the impression that we were both ready to move forward together, without any baggage weighing us down and maybe my problems with her insisting on keeping tape was a 'bonehead' test of mine, of sorts, because I just wasn't feeling the trust and love that I wanted her to have in me. I would never do ANYTHING to intentionally hurt Karen and I just have a hard time not being able to really show her how much I care about her from such a long distance.

It bothered me so much that all these freakin' creeps in her life had a fair chance with Karen, and I don't feel its fair that I cannot be the awesomest, best boyfriend in the world at 2,500 miles away, when we are supposed to be the 'One's for each other. Yeah I know, pity me, life isn't fair.

I've waited my whole life for this girl and she feels that she's been waiting her whole life for me. Why does some other jerkoff have to ruin it for both of us? I can't blame Karen at all. And it's not about the 'tape', I was just in shock that I wouldn't be 'trusted' with it. And maybe that's my Ego just telling me that I'm one of the most trustworthy people in the world, and everyone should just 'know' that. I don't know.

This has been partial cause of a break-up with us. I know that I need to look at other people's points of view and I wish other people would also look at mine. I let my insecurities get the best of me, and at a very stressful time. Again, it's not about the 'tape', its about my own insecurities with my own 'trust' issues. I HATE trust issues. I want SO bad to just be open and loving.

What furthered this issue is that one of my BIGGEST demands in a relationship is Open, Honest communication and TRUST, partly because I have had several trust issues in the past with girls. When this particular 'tape' situation first came up, Karen had also lied to me about it (and about the same time, also lied about another situation (unrelated), with another guy, and even tried to use my past against me to make me believe it was ALL ME and that I was making it all up in my head.. she later apologized and I forgave) This justifies NOTHING, it all just has to do with 'trust' and maybe somehow it relates to my bigger issues.

So then I had this numbskull, idiot ex-boyfriend emailing me bad things about her and tellling me things that I didn't know was truth or a lie. Considering that open, truthful conversation is my KEY to a quality relationship, this whole situation was tarnished from the beginning.

Regardless, I totally screwed up and I accept all of my insensitivities. One thing I am ALWAYS willing to do is to talk things out calmly and lovingly, and to forgive (while hoping to be forgiven)

I am actually taking Karen's side. I love her in ways that many people reading this could not imagine. I would do ANYTHING for the girl who gives me her heart. I'm sorry Karen, I love you more than you could ever imagine.

New Side Updates
"I also realize that I probably should never have even mentioned a 'tape' to begin with. I don't mean to be insensitive, I just want to move forward with everything, and have NOTHING or NO ONE to stand between us and our dreams. I want to experience the best of everything in life with this girl, and without boundaries or limits. ...view more"