Shouting, Hanging Up And 4 Days Of Not Speaking
I was having my hair done. I had been there for hours while he was out Karting with a competition he had one on the radio. We were going to meet after I had met a friend for coffee to do the weekly shop. He said he would go as I was running late.
After I left the salon she had put a fringe(bangs) in and really wasn't happy. I hate how you sit there and they do something and you smile and say its fine and then are really unsure when you leave. I had also had quite a bit of length taken off so it was a really big difference.
I was having a complete freak-out, and I pretty much expected him to get that from the tone of my voice. Haircuts are a petty thing to freak over, but I am a girl and it’s a big deal to me. So I am looking for platitudes, or something calming – rather than rational questioning as to how I got myself into this in the first place. I know when I’ve f#@%d up, I don’t need it reiterated to me when I am panicked.
He is always, always going to have the moral ground on these things because I will always yell. That is me.
When I am upset or stressed, I raise my voice. That is how I am. The fact that he doesn’t do that, is just his way and it isn’t better or worse. I would hope he can distinguish between when I am shouting about something to him, and shouting at him.
So he can always choose to take offence and switch a problem with me, into a problem between us. In my opinion, that is how it went on Saturday.
I phoned him to calm me down and tell me it was ok – what actually happened was, I got upset and he took offence and it became a problem with us. I hung up, because if I hadn’t, there is a chance that I would have bellowed at him – actually bellowed at him, rather than about something to him – and it was creating another problem for me that I didn’t want. I didn’t want to say something I would later regret.
Following on from that, I thought your text was totally unnecessary and a petty thing to do when I was already upset. All in all, it was pretty unhelpful.
So that’s where I am with it all. I didn’t want to talk to him about it Saturday night, because I was worried I would lose my temper. It is not that I wouldn’t talk to him, but that I am not good at making polite conversation when we are clearly not fine. He is better at that than I am
I was out. She went to get her hair done. I said I would go get the food shopping so she didn't have to. She called me when she left. I said hello. She straight away launched into how she thinks shes given her a fringe and she doesn't like it. I said I'm sure it looks nice. She said she didn't think so and now shes stuck. I asked why didn't she say something about it. She SCREAMED "Because she had already done it!" I said, ok, please don't shout at me. She then screamed again "Then don't ask such stupid questions" I said "ok" She hung up. I sat for a while and thought that was unfair, so sent her a text saying 'thanks for that'. Probably not very mature but you don't hang up on people. Its just rude.
That is the last she has spoken to me. That was saturday. She came home that afternoon and locked herself in the bedroom. She left for work while I was in the shower without saying goodbye. That evening I cooked dinner and attempted a conversation but was met mainly with silence. Went to bed. In silence. I had training in the morning so got up and left the house at 6:15am. Kissed her goodbye like I always do when I leave her asleep. On the cross trainer and who walks past with headphone in her ears and looking the other way? She does. (I think that was pretty obvious)
I went to work and decided to try again so sent and email saying I wasn't really sure what was going on and that clearly you aren't ready to talk. I said why I was upset/angry. I got one back basically saying that she is so furious she can't even talk to me or she will thump me and say something she will regret. I didn't say the right things on the phone, she was looking for support and calming not stupid questions. My text was unnecessary and just shitty. I take everything personally and made something an us problem rather than just a problem. She also said that I will 'always have the moral high ground' coz she shouts when she is angry and I don't. its not better or worse, its just different.
I emailed back saying that after that email I can't really explain how I feel plus it never comes across correctly as you lose tone of voice. Can we talk at home. She said fine. Got home, she was busy working and still had a strop on. Tried a pleasant conversation, not having any of it. So she went to bed without saying anything. I came to bed a few hours later. She got up and sat on the sofa. I fell asleep and she was gone when I got up.