Engagement Vs. What?!

To start, I do understand and respect what my girlfriend has to say regarding the matter. In fact, I am lucky to have a woman who I adore and love greatly, continually out-loving me (not in the sense that I don't love her enough, but in the sense that she is infinitely loving.) It's fantastic. However, I don't think I am yet in the mental or emotion space to even begin with engagements.

I feel young. I cherish my youth. I don't like the thought of losing the great feeling of being a young person. Throughout my life marriage has formed itself as one of those things associated with "growing up" just like "getting a real job" or building good credit. I don't view my relationship with her this way, but I feel like such things are to happen in due time. And that isn't taking her for granted. My parents divorced when I was 14 years old. They have had several divorces under their belts and started with being married at an early age. My sisters have followed similar paths of young marriage and have had their share of hard times. I haven't been one to follow any of their paths in the slightest nor do I intend to follow. In fact, it scares the hell out of me. I feel like there must be something in life more than what everyone does. More than what is safe. A sort of destiny I am meant to find that fits into who I am rather than what everyone expects. Sounds pretty haphazard huh? So I don't want to commit to an engagement as I am embarking on a life I have no vague idea about.

I want to get engaged close to the time of marriage. Not something like 7 years before the event. If I think back 7 years I can barely even remember if that was actually me or just some character out of a book I have read 10 or so times. Life is a journey of constant evolution of everything you are, especially at my age I believe (21). How can I commit to something so large 7 years in the future? Or even 4? I want to feel in my mind and heart that it is the right thing to do and that I am completely ready to make that kind of commitment. And that is when I will be able give that relationship it's due time and attention. Not to say that I don't want to be with her. There are just so many things that need to happen in my life before I arrive at that stage. I hope and ask that she can wait for that to happen. And yes, I have given her a timeframe of this. I haven't just left her in the dark. I said I would probably be ready to get married by my late 20's.

Regarding telling people that I am engaged, it isn't that I don't want to tell people. I just don't feel the term fits right in who I am at this current point in time. I am a guy with a fantastic girlfriend. Not a soon-to-be-married man.

And to conclude, I am certainly not getting engaged because all these youngsters think whimsical engagements are quite the festivity.


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