She's Acting Like I Chose To Inconvenience Her!

My wife and I work for the same small company, which was downsized pretty drastically this year. It's been a really tough year all round, and after the huge amount of unpaid overtime everyone put in the company announced that instead of a Christmas bonus they were going to take us all on an overnight trip to the beach to thank us for all our hard work. They announced it as a surprise a few days before hand, and had already booked the non-refundable tickets and accommodation for us all.

Everyone was really excited about this except me, as I was counting on a Christmas bonus to pay some medical bills in January, and because of my health and my own preferences a beach holiday is the last thing I'd choose!

I'm slightly overweight with a heart condition, both of which I'm working to improve, but I've had to temporarily stop drinking, doing anything strenuous or tiring, and keep my temperature as cool as possible.
Because of this I couldn't do a lot of the beach activities, couldn't drink with everyone else, and even staying outside with them instead of in my hotel room was going to be a problem.

My wife was excited about the trip, and really dismissive and impatient with my lack of enthusiasm. I tried really hard not to be negative about it to her, and instead ask things like what sort of activities was she looking forward to. When she directly asked if I was looking forward to it I would smile and say something like "it's not my choice of holiday, but I'm sure everyone will have heaps of fun." But she would say that she could tell I was feeling negative about it, and would get cranky with me.

It's also a bit awkward with people at work as we're the only couple, so we're usually pretty careful not to be too cliquey. My wife has more of a problem with it than I do though, and she doesn't even like me to give her a quick kiss goodbye if she's staying back late, or anything like that. I was expecting to hang out with my wife a little more on this trip though, instead of spending every moment making sure we didn't make anyone else uncomfortable!

Anyway, during the trip I found it really hard and felt pretty left out of things! When everyone played beach volleyball I sat on the sidelines, when they went sunbathing I sat in the shade and read a book, when they all went out drinking after dinner I went back to my hotel room early. There was one activity I wanted to do and could do without straining my heart, but it was a group activity that was about 40 minutes away from the rest of the resort and no one else was interested. I didn't make a big deal about it, but I was pretty disappointed I couldn't get a group together to go! My wife had earlier said she would go with me, but when I was asking everyone she said she preferred to go para-sailing and got up a group to do that.

She pretty much participated in everything, and I just tried to act like I was having fun watching, and not ruin it for everyone else by being a "downer" as my wife says. To be honest I would have been much more comfortable in my hotel room, but my wife was quite impatient with me whenever I suggested it, and would sigh and say that she'd feel like she had to come with me and miss out on everything. So instead, I tried to just hang around and act like it wasn't as boring and depressing as it was!

During the trip home all the flights were delayed and one of them was canceled. My wife was cranky and hungover for the journey, and kept asking me if I'd had fun and then getting annoyed with me when I said things like "I was just really glad to be going home!" or "Not my kind of holiday, but I was glad she enjoyed it."
She got gradually colder and colder towards me, and switched seats with other colleagues to sit away from me on the last flight home.

When we got home she got on her computer and gave me monosyllabic answers to everything I said, and eventually lost her sh** and said she was sick of me, she'd just spent two days with me acting like a "downer" and she was sick of me being such a f***ing inconvenience.

I feel like I did everything I could not to be a downer during the trip, and it's really not my fault that she could tell I didn't enjoy it. You win some, you lose some, and this was just one holiday that everyone else happened to get way more out of than I did.
Yes, I was disappointed after such an exhausting year at work to miss out on the Christmas bonus, and to be obliged to go along on this holiday with co-workers when it really didn't suit me, but I made sure not to profanity and moan about it.

Beyond that, I felt pretty hurt by my wife during the trip because she blew me off constantly to go and hang out with everyone else, and was totally uninterested in any of the activities I suggested that I could do! If I suggested we spend half an hour together going on a romantic walk on the beach, she instead invited a group to go play tennis. If I suggested we take a relaxing swim, she had to go para-sailing. I let it all drop really quickly during the trip so as not to embarrass her in front of our co-workers, but I felt like she was embarrassed by my non-participation most of the time, and angry at me for being such a drag.

Now that we're home again after such a god-awful trip I just wanted some relaxing time together to unwind after the trip, but when I suggested we have a nice dinner together she said she had planned to go to her best friends house for a girl's night, and the next night she had other plans.

This may not be manly to say, and I don't want to act needy or clingy, but I feel hurt, rejected and like an inconvenience. She's acting like she can't stand me, and like I was a huge weight on her shoulders during the trip. I tried my hardest not to be, and even when I could feel the anger, frustration and annoyance coming off her during the trip I didn't call her on it or get annoyed in turn. I didn't choose to have a heart condition, and I didn't choose to go on that trip. But both happened, and I did my best to make the best of it. She's making me feel like sh** over something I can't control, and over something that was already doing enough to make me feel like sh** in the first place!

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