I Miss My Husband...Terribly
I know my wife misses me and I know she has always been devoted to me and her kids
She is my second wife and met at work. Both of us were ending our previous marriages when we starting dating.
My wife is attractive, has ADHD, and her weight has always been a challenge for her. She also has three children from her previous marriage which I don't have a problem with. We are going on 7 years of marriage this November. We do enjoy each others company and I do love her but the stress of the kids demands [which she is correct], not being able to refinance a huge house, and the everyday life of marriage has caused me to re-think what do "I" want in life. Within a year , I met somebody else and yes my wife had no clue until the last minute and yes ....she did not do anything to deservce my actions but I did. Married life was becoming boring and I needed a boost. The stress of the kids activities and needs, both of us working many hours to keep the finances up to date, and the routine activities of grocery shopping, laundry, lawn maintenance, etc were not allowing us much time to do join other activities. Yes, we went on trips together and we did make dates just to be husband and wife but I wanted more. My wife keeps waiting for the answer of why? Honestly, I don't know why I did what I did other than "I" want to be happy and "I" don't feel marriage is for me. Although I do love her and care for her deeply and I told the kids I will always take part in a father role to them, going to my apartment is quiet, there are no demands of kids, I don't have to cook for five, and legally I don't have to live in house for a huge family when technically, I don't have children. I know my wife and I have to sit down and have a serious and long talk because she is right.....I have been misleading her all along. She has always loved me, looks to "our" future, requested a bigger engagement ring for our anniverary, etc. But I knew by telling her how I feel....she would be deeply hurt, traumatized as she says, and I didn't want to hurt her. So I guess...I did bail. It was easier for me. I did tell her, should we divorce which we are not.....I have no intentions on re-marrying again. My hope should our marriage dissolve which at this time...I do.....my hope is we still can be friends. As for my new relationship, I think I am in love with her but I am not sure where this relationship will go. I do feel bad for what I did to my wife and love her but I did meet somebody else and I want to be happy.
My husband of almost 7 years and the love of my life and my very best friend told me the end of July he has been having an affair. One week later, unknown to me, walked out of our [legally his] home while I was working and has not returned. He moved into his own apartment and I'm certain he is not alone. Meanwhile, I am in utter shock and now living my life like a sudden widow. Within the last six weeks, my world has had to make some drastic life altering changes, while trying for the life of me what happened.
Mind you, he does call because he is worried about me, tells me I absolutely did notthing wrong to deserve what he did, apologizes, and tells me he 'does" love me but he simply just doesn't like being married. He knows I have always been a devoted wife to him [even to this day], work hard to help pay the finances; love him unconditionally, etc.
Being a shock to me and love him as much as I did the day we got married....my focus is to save our marriage. Suggestions to seek couseling are denied because what was "our" life has now become "his" life...his happiness, etc. My family and friends said he obviously moved on with his life months ago with his new relationship so reconcilation is definitely not on his mind. I just need to move on without him although for me...my heart belongs to him and it literally hurts without him. This just happened way to fast for me and while I am grieving the loss, I am suppose to do my job to pay all the bills he left behind; and be a single parent again. Mind you, my kids [22, 20, & 15] are from my previous marriage but they call him Dad and he was an active part of their lives being a Dad to them and supported me in raising them.
He does love me but claims he is not "in" love with me; we do talk with no arguments; he hugs & gives me kisses because he knows he hurt me terribly and apologizes for what he did but he did and doesn't want to come home ...because he said it would be out of guilt.
My choice is bring his attention back to me but how or just let him go because if he really loved me..he wouldn't let anybody come between us. Is he using my emotions to his benefit to give me some hope...so I will be his doormat if his new "toy" not work out?
Everyday, I live on a roller coaster....somedays I am determined to prove that I am his true love, while some days I just don't know if I can ever really trust him again. Other days, I cry and cry and cry. While other days I am determined to be the stronger one and he will someday regret ever losing me.
Thoughts, Prayers, & Suggestions welcomed. [I'm in my mid 40s]