I am not blogging my side of the situation to get people on my side. I do not need people onmy side to help me feel better or to make me feel like a winner. The reason i agreed to do this was because i havnt really talked to my dad since i left home in may 2008 and have some important things on my mind.
i had gotten a tatoo a few weeks before my dad even knew and chose not to tell him because i feared him. Later, i realized it was silly to be living in fear of him because you should never feel fear in any relationship, if so, that would make the relationship unhealthy.
It was prom night, the night senior girls anticipate for four years, it was also the night i decided to tell my dad about the tatoo. He didnt really react, leading me to believe he didnt mind. The next day around six a.m. i prepared for the traditional camping trip that the entire senior class attend for the weekend, when i recieved a voicemail. The voicemail was my dad telling me to turn in the keys to my car and that i was grounded. i was shocked by this and didnt quite no how to react. My thoughts were, i had already invested a lot of time and money towards this trip and it would be the last huge event with my graduating class. This trip had been planned months before the prom and my dad knew how important it was to me. So i unpacked my car and repacked another, my friends and i then headed for our trip. By sunday i had recieved numberous phone calls from a detective in Crestwood and an outsider told me my dad had reported a missing persons report. i'm sure that getting the cops involved was no troublesome either because my dad is so used to calling the cops for every little issue that occurs as a problem to him, instead of trying to work things out on his own before resorting to the police. i felt the situation was completely irrational and escalated when it didnt need to. Therefore i opted not to speak to the detective and as for the missing person report, my dad knew exactly where i was, he had directions of the camp site, phone numbers and all.
When i returned home i had moved out, not only because of this situation but because of many other time i had felt mistreated and my dads anger getting the best of him.
i understand some what that my dad was upset when he knew about the tatoo but getting a tatoo was never stressed to me as a disapproval like drinking of smoking. Because my parents never explained their dislikings for tatoos and not wanting my to get one i never really thought twice about getting one. Another reason my dad was disappointed is because of my future career and jobs. my dad wanted me to be a flight attendant. i am not sure if flight attendants are allowed to have tatoos but he did so much research on this job and continuously told me thats what i was going to be. But my dream is to be a psychologist and i am now considering double majoring in psychology and law with a masters degree in psych. But because my dads focus is all on my brother he never knew that, just like he never knew i had a tatoo right when i got it; i wasnt even hiding it, i had to tell him about it.
i do feel like i have been mistreated and disrespected and im not denying that i have disrespected my dad in the past. i understand that a parent is a parent and they have there roles to play but that does not mean to mistreat or disrespect your child. For example, just because my dad is my dad does not give him any right to threaten me and tell me i should go out in the drive way and smash my head with a sledge hammer...or does it? Sure when your child is a minor you have control over them but if you treat them the way i just explained in my example, do you think your going to get respect or cooperation back?? I didnt appreciate my dad when he told me to go do that, and that is not to only offense...so yes i didnt cooperate with my dad all the time and i did disrespect him at times. So do not think that you will recieve cooperation and disrespect in any manor if you do not apply it yourself. I am a human being and i deserve to be talked to like one. To do a little research, on the article "Kant and the humanity as an end-in-itself." it explains hummanity and happiness. how one should be treated.
Now back to the punishment my dad tryed to give me when he knew about my tatoo. perhaps a more reasonable punishment instead of having my camping trip, my car, and my computer taken away from me, the cops looking for me, and also being grounded. I feel a more reasonable punishment would be a way to educate myself of the short term and long term effects of getting a tatoo, by doing research and writing an essay on it. Being grounded does work as a punishment, but i feel only when you are younger because being younger the child does not understand the severity or significance of what the child did wrong, therefore by grounding the child right when the mistake is made would hopefully teach them not to make the same mistake again. However i feel getting older the same messege is not prevailed like it did when we were younger. Ivan pavlov's theory would still be a good approach but i think there needs to be education in the process. His theory is ring the bell, give the dog food, the dog salivates. The dog is salivating when he hears the bell not by seeing the food failing pavlov's theory to make one learn but by getting the concept that the bell has been rung so he gets to eat. In translation, state the punishment and serve it. Ok so everything gets taken form my and i am grounded. Well i am learning the disapproval part that my dad didnt like my action. But what am i benefiting from that? I am not necessarily learning from my mistake and by writing an essay on the research i would have done would be educating me. Not so much punihsment is needed for a small situation but merely needing to be educated along with some understanding that i am still learning and growing.
To end "my side", because of all this my dad and mines relationship has been destroyed, forever? i do not know. I am still really hurt that my dad let me walk out of his life so easily. There was no cooling off period where he later called and asked to talk to me about things. That was it, our relationship was dead to both of us. i guess i could have called to talk to him but i had only thought that him being the parent and being older should be more wise than i would have been there trying to keep his daughter in his life.
I think about my dad often, in fact my thoughts are so consistant about him that i either wake up in the middle of the night crying or happily disturbed because i have these dreams/nightmares that feel so utterly real, they are the only dreams that i can remember from start to finish, full detail and all. There are parents who would kill to be close with their kids or even have any type of relationship with them, but what about the kids who feel the way those parents do? (Wanting to have a relationship with their parent)Updates
I also forgot to mention that not only had he called the cops on me but called the parents of my friends trying to find out if their son or daughter went with me and threatened to sue them and their child for guilty by association or something of the matter.
updated 5 years ago