Just Another Scar On The Wrist

"i have this problem, where the way i end up dealing with being upset, is through self-mutilation. yes i know its wrong, and i know the whole lecture that comes with it. please dont lecture me about it. i go to group once in a while and sometimes therapy.

lately things have been getting pretty heated in the relationship with my boyfriend. he wants to propose to me, but we have to keep it a secret....his parents loath the very thought of me, so we have to sneak around just to see eachother.....he hangs out with a drunken id*ot, whom happens to be his best friend....when he's around his friends he's a totally different person then when he's with me....same around his family.....

just to put insite, we fight on a daily basis, till we cave from the guilt and call up eachother crying and apologizing....and things have been pretty stressful in my life too. i dropped out of community college, i got fired from my job, totalled my car, had two miscarriages, moved into a condo with my mom and sister and nephew, and just everything seems to be getting worse for me...and ontop of it, it doesnt help that his parents make me feel horrible, and when i cant see him, or even talk to him, i end up crying. lately they've taken away his car + phone privelages. and im used to falling asleep on the phone with him everynight....

and at night, is when my meds for depression wear off, so its the time of night when he was always there to keep me ok...and now he's not lately...so ive restorted to my old habit of self-mutilation....everytime he wasnt there to calm me down...and since i dropped out, and lost two babys, ive kind of made myself into a loner, and he's the only person i talk to now. and he's the only one i trust. but what bothers me is this:

when i get upset, and self-mutilate, it hurts him....alot...to the point where he cries histerically...yet when he gets upset and angry, and does just the same, somehow its supposed to be ok?

im confused -_- i mean, i hurt him when i do so, but when he does, its like, im supposed to be ok with it? is he being hypocrytical??

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"his self mutilation is punching solid objects till he can no longer feel his hand
and on rare occasions he does the same as me...view more"