The Ex That Might Not Go Away

ok saylor. saylor is an ex ive know for 3 yrs. she was the first girl to show interest in me. well first girl to tell me she was interested. we dated for a summer. then i met ashley another ex. i told saylor i found someone else while she was goin through cancer treatment. not the nicest thing to do. and while i dated ashley i told her i still wanted her and planned on bein with her but i stayed with ashley. well after a year that finally ended this past summer. ashley cheated on my 4x and i guess if you consider what i did cheating (which i do) i cheated on her once. well i tried to talk to saylor over the summer. and she really didnt want to cuz well last summer i caused a lot of problems in my family and with myself. and anytime i tried talkin to her i was drunk. she never liked when i got drunk, high, stole whatever. but yeah she finally decided to be atleast friends sometime in the middle of the summer. i talked to her occasionally she really wasnt all to interested after what i put her through. completely understandable. and all of a sudden saylor starts tellin me she misses us and how we used to be. and at that point i did to. i was kicked out of my house, heartbroken, and drinkin any money i had away. basically depressed. so i was tryin to get back what we had. and well jessica came into play. i met her the last month of summer. we got along great from the start. we hungout everyday till she had to go back to school at the end of the summer. and durin that time i was still talkin to saylor mind you i wasnt commited to jessica. i was confused about where me and jessica were headed. cuz for one we went and hungout with this kid bj from her school, and while this happened i picked up that she had a thing for him and/or there was something there. so yeah i thought we would be done when she went back to schoool cuz he was there. so thats why i still talked to saylor at this point. well me and jessica started dating. she had a bf that summer but said it had ended. in the beginning of our relationship i highly doubted it. for one the week i was up at jessicas school when we started dating. hed call and shed be on the phone for like an hr with him near me and i could hear the convo but everyonce in awhile shed look at me and walk off and then come back after she told him whatever. and 2nd thing the weekend after we started dated she took me back to one of my friends house. and she stayed the night while me and him sat up and drank. well her phone was on the table and she was asleep and i went through it. i saw where she had texted him night love you. and was texting another one of her exs about goin to dinner sometime. so that added to my confusion. well i talked to her about it and i forgot what she said but yeah i dropped it but my suspicions still stayed with me. come to find out she was still dating him and finally ended it after us bein together for 2 weeks. i didnt find this out till later tho. and well yeah me and saylor were still talking. i didnt know how to break the news to her that i had a gf. cuz i had said all this stuff and id be doin what i did when i dated ashley again. but what do i do i continued the vicious circle. instead of just tellin her i had a gf. and that was wrong of me. but in the beginning of jessica and Is relationship there were alot of things that made me think she was tryin to be with someone else or not sure she wanted to be with me. idk it was hard for me to trust her after ashley had cheated on me 4x. but yeah about two months in jessica found out what was goin on with saylor. and i told her i wouldnt talk to her anymore. i mean i still wanted to be friends with her. but i was and still am willing to sacrifice anything to be with jessica. i deleted her from my 3jam, aim, and forgot to delete her email but thats gone now. along with the pics of her. but jessica finally said it was ok to talk to her aslong as i told her. and she contacted me through her bros aim SN one day. about 3 or 4 weeks ago. but i didnt tell jessica until 3 days later cuz she was at school and i wanted to be there when i told her cuz well she freaked out. but nothing inappropriate was said durin me and saylors convo. i apologized for what i did and we talked about what had been goin on lately. and that was the first time i talked to her since jessica found out what happened. but since that last time ive changed my SN so she cant contact me. and well yeah i dont know what else to add cept for i love jessica more than anything and ill do anything for her.

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