Have been married for 10 years and have two children - four and two. Should I stay married or get divorced?

Our marriage was never the best and we've essentially been roommates for the past seven years or so. We don't have much communication with each other, have no affection, no sex and the only thing that has kept us together are the kids. Somehow we manage to do that successfully. We don't hate each other, we just don't have a vibrant and thriving relationship. The rest of the world probably thinks we have a pretty good marriage. We did start marriage counseling a few months ago. I'd like to be hopeful that could help but I'm afraid we have too many years of bad stuff to deal with.

About a year ago I met another woman that I'm having an affair with and we get along great together. My wife knows I had an affair but doesn't know I still see her. In fact, we see each other a lot, have fun and there's great intimacy. We have some pretty big fights but we always manage to get things back on track.

I could probably find a way to stay married so we could keep our family intact and not subject anyone to the trauma of a divorce but I don't know what that marriage would be like.

A divorce would be extremely hard on everyone involved and knowing this feels paralyzing. Having two women in my life is making me crazy and it has to stop for everybody's sake. The thought of leaving my wife is sad and scary. The thought of leaving my girlfriend is sad and scary. What should I do?
By sideways 9 years ago :: Marriage
  • Robert Betancourt
    MA, Professional Counseling,Therapist
    Emotional Healing-25+ years experience in helping people find solutions that work. "one of the best therapists here" $2.49/minute
       4.93/5
  • Rafael Morales
    MA-MS, MHT-MHRS
    I have extensive training and expertise in clinical, counseling, transpersonal/integral psychology and coaching. I provide support to those willing to work on themselves… $2.75/minute
       4.84/5
  • View More Experts
    10