Was I ever justified in my reaction?

It's not a big deal, but it's something I've always wondered about. Before my ex and I became 'official', we had a sexual relationship for about 5 months.

We weren't together because she was bipolar, and having recently suffered an abusive relationship, was very gun-shy about starting another. However, during this unofficial time, she said she loved me, and we acted as if we were an item (our friends thought we were) - with the caveat that we weren't 'officially' together. She had to 'save something for herself', and as a result, couldn't be in a relationship.

Unfortunately, I bought it hook, line, and sinker on account of my inexperience. This led to her sleeping with another guy, and her claiming she had every right to do so. Based on my good intentions for our possible future, I refrained from similar indiscretions, in an attempt to show her I was serious.

I have always felt she was wrong, but could never make an argument that convinced her. To me, there is the letter of the law, and the SPIRIT of the law... and that the letter is only relevent because it codifies the spirit behind it.

For example, the speed limit says a 'maximum of X', but what it's really saying is, 'drive responsibly'. If the roads are terrible and you get in an accident, you can be charged with reckless driving even if you didn't break the speed limit. Why? Because you were driving irresponsibly - you broke the SPIRIT of the law, even if you kept to the letter, and this basically means you did wrong.

This is how I viewed my ex's actions, and still do. She kept to the letter of the law, but broke the implicit agreement we had with each other in a) becoming intimate on a very regular basis, and b) developing major, mutual feelings for each other.

Was I justified in having felt wronged? I think if someone claims to 'love' me, they owe me more consideration and respect that she showed me.
By ultramafic 10 years ago :: Bitter Ex
  • Rafael Morales
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