How do I get over this?

I have been dating this man for 4 years. We have two children together.
I found out about a year and a half into our relationship that he was still talking to his ex. I was also 8 months pregnant with our 1st child child. He told me it was innocent and I agreed to meet her. That was until I was holding my two week old baby in my arms and heard him tell her he "loved her too". Later I found ONE text (though there were many that seemed innocent) that was giving him the garage code and to "just come on in". After that I flipped my lid. I told him that if he was going to stay with me he had to quit talking to her her. He did for almost 2 years. Recently we started going through a very hard time and we split up. He was telling me he loved me and wanted to make it work. Then I found out that almost immediatly after our break up he slept with her. Now, this wouldn't have been so bad if it was
A: NOT HER and
B: He was not telling me he loved me and wanted to make it work
He swears that it was only once and that she is out of his life for good. Then I get an e mail from her on facebook. She proceeds to tell me that they had an affair for 3 out of the 4 years that we have been dating. I honestly don't believe that because after he had sex with her when we split, he became the "model" guilty conscienced man. Accusing me of doing things and questioning my every move. He has never been like that toward me before so I find it very hard to believe that he would have an affair for 3 years and never show that side of him. Do I believe he has cheated on me? Yes. Do I think it was for 3 years? No. Now, he swears he is remorseful and regrets every decision he made since we broke up. He has been trying very hard to show me he loves me but its hard to look in his eyes and think that he was with the ONE person who has caused a great deal of turmoil in our life. The one person I told him I would not be able to get over. But the way I see it is I have to choose between 1 of 2 options.
I can believe that he never cheated on me and say that I have faith in the "new" man he is showing me right now, or, I can believe that he is lying and take my two boys and I out of this house and walk away from him.
I honestly love him with all my heart and don't know if I'm being blinded by my love or if I am making the right decisions for all of us. I just don;t know anymore.
By Biederman 9 years ago :: Dating
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