Should I get a Divorce or marriage counseling?

We've been married almost 4 years. And he has been deployed for most of it including the whole first year. When we talk (while he is away) he makes 'jokes' about my other boyfriend (i have none btw), or he'll make a big deal about me wearing earrings, it must be for someone else cuz i never wear them for him is what he says. He's always doing small things like that to control me, i stopped wearing earrings because of his comments and my ears almost closed.
another issue we have is him waking me up while he is deployed. i suffer from insomnia and have to wake up early to take care of our kids. so when he wants to talk or IM its usually 4-6 am. which i dont have a problem with every once and a while but it starts to wear on me after a while. so he said he would rearrange his schedule for me which i appreciated it. then we found out that he only had a few weeks left there, so i told him he didnt need to change his schedule since he has little time left there, i would just suck it up and quit being a baby. so one morning, around 6 he woke me up after only an hour of sleep and i felt bad that i needed to tell him that i need sleep. and he got crazy pissed at me. i tried to apologize cuz i really did feel like crap for contradicting myself.
other problems we have is he will tell me i'm saying things wrong or doing things wrong then say i'm getting butt hurt when he's really joking. one example, he called while i was getting my 3yo out of the bath. he put me on hold while i got her dried, dressed, and put in bed. when he came back i put the phone on speaker so he could talk to her before she went to bed and he asked her if mom dried her wrong. i thought that was a wrong thing to be talking to our daughter about.
i've told him more than a million times how i feel when he quietly controls me and he says he'll work on it. we've discussed getting counseling but i think that once its done he'll just go back to doing the same crap. and now i don't know if i want counseling cuz i'm not even sure i'm in love with him anymore. he's said on many occasion that he may not be either but he'd like to find the love. i'm not sure i'm up for that.
and the weird thing is that the only time we seem to get along is when we discuss our options should our marriage not work out. is the answer right in front of my face?
By nickelhutch 9 years ago :: Marriage
  • Rafael Morales
    MA-MS, MHT-MHRS
    I have extensive training and expertise in clinical, counseling, transpersonal/integral psychology and coaching. I provide support to those willing to work on themselves… $2.75/minute
       4.84/5
  • Rafael Richman
    Ph.D.
    Are you feeling stuck, trapped in the same patterns that repeat over & over? Are you feeling angry, alone, unappreciated & unheard? I can help you. $2.85/minute
       4.84/5
  • View More Experts
    15