I didn't call an inlaw when she gave birth. My husband & I sent a gift right away. Was I wrong?

I hate my husband's brother's wife. I have known her for 8 years and never once did she make conversation with me when we were alone. She will act somewhat friendly to me only when family is around. A few times when we were alone, I tried to strike up a friendly conversation, but she never answered and just walked away. I am not exaggerating. I got the message loud and clear from her!

No one believes me, because she is very, very nice to my mother and father in law. My mother and father in law are very wealthy and not young.

After my husband's brother's wife gave birth to her first child, my husband and I sent a gift (they live a few hundred miles away). My husband hates her too and he and I never called her to congratulate her. My husband did call his brother to congratulate him and politely told his brother to send his regards to his wife.

A few months later, I received a phone call from my husband's brother. He spoke to me very coldly, and curtly - just asking to speak to my husband. I tried to engage him in casual conversation, and he was unreceptive. Before his wife gave birth, the few times I spoke to him on the phone he was always friendly. So, his behavior was hurtful. By the way, when his wife was 5 months pregnant, they flew to our state and I cooked them a 7 course dinner, and we had a nice time,. so I was surprised that he was being so mean.

My husband called his brother back and his brother told him that we cannot see his new baby unless I apologize to his wife for not having called her after she gave birth. Also, he was upset that in the 8 months since the birth, we never made an effort to fly to their state to see the baby. We are poor and my father was in ill health at the time and needed constant care. Plus, my husband's job was not secure and my husband was having health issues. Otherwise, we would have flown to their state to see the baby. When my husband told him all this, he didn't care. My husband said to him that he and his wife should not hold it against me that I didn't call to congratulate her.

The brother kept insisting that I was not a nice person, so my husband hung up. The brother did admit to my husband that he was rude to me on the phone and he admitted that he owed me an apology. He never gave me one. I wrote him an email stating that if I had known that his wife wanted to speak to me, I would have certainly called her. He replied that we were welcome to come to their home to visit.

After his wife gave birth again, he called my husband and told him that we were invited to their home for a party. My husband said that we would love to come, but he would have to apologize to me for speaking to me worse than you would speak to a maid on the phone. The brother just said I hope you change your mind and come to the party.

Who is wrong and who is right?
By scoopie 9 years ago :: Family (Extended)
  • Rafael Morales
    MA-MS, MHT-MHRS
    I have extensive training and expertise in clinical, counseling, transpersonal/integral psychology and coaching. I provide support to those willing to work on themselves… $2.75/minute
       4.84/5
  • Milton Mankoff
    Ph.D.; LMSW
    Misunderstandings can create or escalate conflicts, but genuine incompatibility can also exist within relationships. Non-judgmental. LGHBTQIA-supportive. $2.75/minute
       4.92/5
  • View More Experts
    4