D-Day: To Divorce or Not To Divorce

My husband and I have been married for 10 years with 2 children + my son from a previous relationship and his son from a previous marriage. I separated from my husband back in November of 2009 after an "incident" which involved my son. After 10 years, I finally grew a backbone and left.

He had always been hard on the 2 older boys but since his son did not live with us, my son suffered a lot for all those years. Since the separation, my husband has finally sought counseling and was seeing therapists until his deployment this past summer '09. While he is gone I am trying to decide whether or not to go through with a divorce when he gets back. (Yes, he is aware that I am wrestling with this decision)

In my husband's corner: I had seen improvements with my husband's behavior and actually trying to be a dad that he had never done before. His therapist had also seen genuine remorse as well as lots of effort in working on his anger issues. Prior to his deployment I have seen little to no reactions with anger towards myself or the kids.

In my son's corner: he's a victim of abuse. What more can be said on that. He is MY child who I allowed to suffer by not leaving. I lost a lot of time with him because of my husband. My son does not want anything to do with his stepfather. He has begged me not to listen to his "lies" and states that he acts differently when I am not around. My son has endured a lot and I do not want him to ever feel unsafe again.

As for me, I am numb with the situation. I need an outside perspective to help me gain more clarity on what others see with what little bit of a window I have allowed you to see. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
By lacrymosa 9 years ago :: Marriage
  • Robert Betancourt
    MA, Professional Counseling,Therapist
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    Ph.D.
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