Am I right feeling the way I do and should I file for divorce?

My wife and I have had a rough 3 years of marriage. We are both on 2nd marriages and between us have 6 children of which 2 live with us full time (1 hers 1 mine), 2 part time (mine) and the older 2 wont even come around because of our spouses (1 each). We have had a number of issues and disagreements involving all the children and just dont agree, we have money issues, and we are both verbally abusive to the other. What brought things to a head is 38 days ago my wife told me she wanted a divorce and she has told me that a number of times since then, but she hasnt done it yet. Since that time she has slept in a different room every night, we do not talk, she stays with her son and I stay with mine, bottom line is that our lives after 38 days are completely seperate, but we live under one roof. I told my wife on Sunday that Im tired of living this way, just in limbo, that I need to know if I'm going to be married or divorced (I would prefer to work it out) and I would like her to let me know by 6 pm on Monday what she wants, and If I didnt hear by then, I would assume she wants a divorce and I would be the bad guy and move in that direction. No Surprise! I didnt hear a word, she is very head-strong, stubborn and has to be in control. So, I send her a text asking for an answer and her reply is that she is not going to work under my dead-lines and ultimatums! This is after 36 days and she's the one who's said SHE wanted a divorce! I dont get it! I just wanted an answer and it appeared that I have one, so I do as I told her I would, I remove my wedding ring and called my attorney. Now she is even more mad acting, kinda pouting around the house, yet still has never said she didnt want a divorce. Her reaction confusing to say the least. I have outsiders who believe that I should have divorced her long ago and I know that she has people telling her the same about me. I honestly do love her, but I'm just to the point to where were either going to work on our marriage or not and when she didnt reply to my only request during this period, I feel I have no choice, but her reaction has left me second guessing.