How do you let go of the unconditional, damaging, love of someone toxic to you...

Still dating Mr. Separated for 3 years, using FaceBook as a pick-up place that I am not allowed to see (he's denied numerous friend requests I send him but some of his "friends" show me his posts to several other women...humiliating... He has a horrible temper and when confronted with anything that causes him to explain himself or his actions, he uses masterfully practiced diversionary techniques to make you feel you have wronged him by even bringing up the subject. I end up being apologetic about bringing up any issue where he is obviously up to no good. This is the second question writtien about this same situation and I know what needs to be done- I just care about him so unconditionally that I allow myself to be used and hurt over and over again rather than go through the pain of losing him. It's almost like I have become numb to the lasting effects of the hurt. I am able to put it to the back of my mind and almost forget things that should be deal-breakers. I am DISGUSTED with myself for allowing this- Almost like a diet where after you eat a donut you just figure that your never going to succeed so why bother trying anymore.

He is still separated (for the 3rd year with no divorce even filed)- We worked together for several years and a few months ago he lost his job because of a temper tantrum directed at me. He worked in a family owned construction business and even they were glad to see him go. Since this time, I have tried to help him out financially but have stopped because I am aware I'm being used in that way. He hints for me to order or buy things that are not necessities for getting by- I pay for any and all meals out (although I always have anyway). Please tell me more of what I already know- I am doing damage to myself. I feel it every day... I feel myself taking out frustrations from this relationship on others and I feel like I am taking on many of his character traits- not a good thing. He sucks any positive attitude out of me with his refusal to be positve about anything...He hates his life and resents me for everything... I'm afraid of what will happen to he and I both if I walk away. I'm also terrified that I will be in this role forever out of fear of making the change. I know I will forever have trust issues... Please- let me have it... I could really use the support. Thank you...
By Bunny2232 9 years ago :: Dating
  • Rafael Morales
    MA-MS, MHT-MHRS
    I have extensive training and expertise in clinical, counseling, transpersonal/integral psychology and coaching. I provide support to those willing to work on themselves… $2.75/minute
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  • Rafael Richman
    Ph.D.
    Are you feeling stuck, trapped in the same patterns that repeat over & over? Are you feeling angry, alone, unappreciated & unheard? I can help you. $2.85/minute
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