Am I justified in my anger, or should I just suck it up and give my boyfriend what he requested?

I have never had a family to celebrate the holidays with. I have pretty much always been alone on the holidays or had to attend some other family's events. I generally become a little depressed on Thanksgiving, Christmas, Etc because of this.

This year I thought it was going to be different. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly two years and although he had to live in another city for a few months he moved back to my city in September. I was very excited because I thought that this year I would have someone to spend the holidays with.

Last Thanksgiving and Christmas we were together, but he traveled on business on Thanksgiving. I told him how much it hurt me and that I really want to be able to spend the holidays with someone. For Christmas last year he took off the morning from work, but then spent the rest of the day working.

In early November we hit a rough spot in our relationship. A lot of issues came to the surface that we know we need to deal with. On his part it is being around more/working less. On my part it is honesty. We decided to take a step back in the relationship and return to dating. We are still together though. We talk on the phone daily and go on dates usually once or twice a week (he lives an hour away).

This Thanksgiving I assumed we would be together, I mentioned to him some things about food and he seemed to be going along with it. The Monday before Thanksgiving I call him to confirm which house, when, who is cooking what, etc of Thanksgiving. He acts surprised that I asked him and tells me that he has already booked a flight back to his home town to be with friends and family. I was really hurt. He didn't even call or send a text saying happy thanksgiving.... He said he thought I didn't want to spend Thanksgiving with him because I hadn't directly asked him before then.

Last night we talked on the phone and he said that he doesn't want to spend his birthday with me or Christmas because he doesn't feel that we are to that point in our "new" relationship. That he isn't ready to take that step. I had to get off the phone immediately so I would start balling like an idiot. I had asked him a few days after thanksgiving if he would spend Christmas with me and he agreed. I sent him a text saying that I am hurt, and also one asking if I could mail him his gift. He said to return the gift because he knows I need the money. When I told him it is non-returnable he asked if I could use it, I can't. So then he said that i could mail it to him.

I am so angry and hurt, I don't know if I want to remain in this relationship. I know some people think it is just a stupid holiday, but to me it is so much more than that. Even if we aren't in a relationship, shouldn't you be with someone (or have them over, or whatever) you care about/have some kind of feelings for if you know that they are completely alone on Christmas? I need an objective perspective. Should I just respect his decision to spend Christmas doing his own thing, should I confront him about it, or should I just find someone who respects my feelings more?
By wherethepeaches 8 years ago :: Dating
  • Mary Lee Palmer
    ► If we take a good look, we can learn more about ourselves in relationships than anywhere else! ◄ $2.95/minute
  • Arundhati Dutta
    MSW (NYU)
    Unhappy? Confused? Depressed? Jealous? Angry at your partner? Tired of being misunderstood? Whatever your relationship issues I can help you address them! $2.99/minute
  • View More Experts