I dont like being around my mother-in-law!

I have been with my common law husband for almost 17 years. The have not always been the best and we have had some rough times! This isn't about my husband but about his mother! He has always confided in her about whats going on in our lives and when times were bad she often has interjected her opinion and very often not flattering to me! She has favored his son from a previous relationship before me and often literally ignored my children and the two children we have together!
When I first met her I really tried to get to know her and even confided in her about things in my own life. I even asked for advice from a mothers point of view because my mom is no in my life! (she's mentally ill and has never been a mom to me, I was raised by my great aunt and granpa who are deceased) Long story short, I looked at her as a surrogate mother!
My husband often told me, jokingly I thought, that his mother was HIS mother!
When my husband was going through a rough time and he was cheating on me, she allowed him to bring his mistress to her house and before I even found out about her I found out she was allowing him to use her house as a way for them to communicate with each other and see each other. Taking messages and helping him cheat. This was the first time, there have been several women over the years!
I just feel like if she loved her grandchildren, she wouldn't have helped her son destroy his relationship with me! He often had spent more time at her house and getting together with his girlfriends than he spent at home with me or his children.
She's said nasty things about me behind my back to my stepson and has often talked about my two oldest children. She rarely takes time out with the two children we have together (They're 15 and 8), I encourage them to have a relationship with her but it bothers me that I know how she really feels!
There have been times, when my husband has spent so much time at her house, she's made comments like, "He's moving back in!" or "He's doesn't really love her!"
It has hurt me so much, to love, trust and confide in her as a mother and to be rejected by her like she has treated me! I try to stay cordial and respect her as my husbands mother! But there are days when I feel so uncomfortable with her!
We recently attended a babyshower, I had called her to ask her for a ride because our car wasn't working good! She acted like she didn't want to give me a ride so I made arrangements to get there on my own! Then when I get there, she asks me if I would take her back to my house when I was ready to leave. The manipulation was that, she gave her car to her grandson and he didn't want to come back and pick her up. So she acted like she didn't want to come get me so that if I made it to the shower she could get a ride back with me. The best part but what was irritating to me was that when I got home, my stepson was there waiting for her! That was the plan all along! This is how she uses me and takes me for granted!
She even does things like brings food for my husband or even for the kids but never asks me if there is anything that she can do for me!
I've often wanted to tell her how I feel, but I'm afraid that if I don't do it in front of my husband, she'll twist it around and he'll be mad at me! So I just keep my distance and only deal with her when I have to! It just makes me sad that I feel this way! Did I forget to mention that I let her live with me and my husband for 15 months once when she couldn't pay her water, electric and heating bill in her home and had to move until she could get on her feet and back in her house. The entire time she lived with me, she took over my house, even moved in her sister and her niece, her cats and her dogs until I took a stand and said I couldn't take care of everyone and that the extra baggage had to go! Of course, I was the bad person but there was only so much a person could take!
At the end of the day, do I reveal how I feel and get it off my chest or do I just keep it to myself!?
  • Rafael Morales
    MA-MS, MHT-MHRS
    I have extensive training and expertise in clinical, counseling, transpersonal/integral psychology and coaching. I provide support to those willing to work on themselves… $2.75/minute
       4.84/5
  • Iain A. Morrison
    MA Psych Cert Ed.
    Loving attachment is probably the greatest source of our happiness - I can help if it is going wrong - or manage the hurt if its over $2.00/minute
       4.82/5
  • View More Experts
    10