how do i deal with interfering in-laws when I am not sure of my husband's support?
I have always thought my husband and i had a pretty solid, supportive relationship until this situation. We have been married for over a year and together for over 6 yrs. He is usually a very nice, genuine guy although I know recently he has been stressed out from work recently - close to burn out he says.
I know this feeling as for 5 yrs I have supported us and put him through grad school. However for this situation I am finding it difficult to get past. Part of his family dosnt speak english, but part does - while initially they were not receptive to me as a daughter in law, they grew accustomed to the idea but were never wholly warm to me. Every yr, he would insist we buy expensive designer Xmas presents (which directly or indirectly I had to buy) - however this was not a problem bcos I loved him and sharing my account isnt an issue. I wanted them to like me more. The sister in particular would give me thoughtless, cheap rubbish - I hoped for a long time that my husband would notice and pull her aside and address this. But he didn't. I could have withstood this if I was sure of his support, but when I brought it up after 5 yrs, we had an ugly fight where he accused me of being a hysterical, exaggerating trouble maker and dismissed it. In the past Xmas, I mentioned this could happen again and he fought aggressively with me saying I was imagining things to create issues. However when we saw the rubbish I had received, i couldnt hold back the tears at xmas - not bcos of the value of the present, but bcos I felt I didnt have his support, and that he had disbelieved me and not stood up for me to give me the respect I deserved as his wife in front of his family. We had an ugly fight whereby he informed me I shd straighten the matter out alone with his sister.
Throughout that conversation with her, i was calm, collected and composed. However he rushed into the room and hugged her saying "awww" - i felt at that moment he could not have indicated more to me that he was not on my side and that I was not his priority. When I raised these issues more fights ensued.
His parents are extremely interfering - and they take every opportunity they can to find more out abt our lives - the mother had a very difficult relationship with her own mother-in-law and dosnt have any close friends outside the family claiming "she dosnt need them". They call us several times a week after my husband comes home late from work and speak for 1.5 -2 hrs. Although I have raised this with him and asked if we could limit this to perhaps sundays. In exchange the parents have just become colder towards me - I resent my husband for not having stepped up and projected the blame of the bad guy on me.
At this stage after many bitter, ugly fights my husband has apologised but its not heartfelt - instead its been righteous, defensive and the fights extremely aggressive, where hes thrown things around. He has never done this before and says its bcos hes stressed out and bcos I ruined Xmas and didnt let him rest.
He says at this stage if I dont put this behind thats it - i dont want to give up on this relationship so easily. I have invested so much of my life and I love him so much. I dont understand whats happened to us but at the same time how do i get past this so soon? how do i forget the memories which are so fresh and painful?
I know this feeling as for 5 yrs I have supported us and put him through grad school. However for this situation I am finding it difficult to get past. Part of his family dosnt speak english, but part does - while initially they were not receptive to me as a daughter in law, they grew accustomed to the idea but were never wholly warm to me. Every yr, he would insist we buy expensive designer Xmas presents (which directly or indirectly I had to buy) - however this was not a problem bcos I loved him and sharing my account isnt an issue. I wanted them to like me more. The sister in particular would give me thoughtless, cheap rubbish - I hoped for a long time that my husband would notice and pull her aside and address this. But he didn't. I could have withstood this if I was sure of his support, but when I brought it up after 5 yrs, we had an ugly fight where he accused me of being a hysterical, exaggerating trouble maker and dismissed it. In the past Xmas, I mentioned this could happen again and he fought aggressively with me saying I was imagining things to create issues. However when we saw the rubbish I had received, i couldnt hold back the tears at xmas - not bcos of the value of the present, but bcos I felt I didnt have his support, and that he had disbelieved me and not stood up for me to give me the respect I deserved as his wife in front of his family. We had an ugly fight whereby he informed me I shd straighten the matter out alone with his sister.
Throughout that conversation with her, i was calm, collected and composed. However he rushed into the room and hugged her saying "awww" - i felt at that moment he could not have indicated more to me that he was not on my side and that I was not his priority. When I raised these issues more fights ensued.
His parents are extremely interfering - and they take every opportunity they can to find more out abt our lives - the mother had a very difficult relationship with her own mother-in-law and dosnt have any close friends outside the family claiming "she dosnt need them". They call us several times a week after my husband comes home late from work and speak for 1.5 -2 hrs. Although I have raised this with him and asked if we could limit this to perhaps sundays. In exchange the parents have just become colder towards me - I resent my husband for not having stepped up and projected the blame of the bad guy on me.
At this stage after many bitter, ugly fights my husband has apologised but its not heartfelt - instead its been righteous, defensive and the fights extremely aggressive, where hes thrown things around. He has never done this before and says its bcos hes stressed out and bcos I ruined Xmas and didnt let him rest.
He says at this stage if I dont put this behind thats it - i dont want to give up on this relationship so easily. I have invested so much of my life and I love him so much. I dont understand whats happened to us but at the same time how do i get past this so soon? how do i forget the memories which are so fresh and painful?
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