Am I wrong in no longer wanting to do anything with his mother?

my hubby's mom and i used to get along but she has been manipulative and selfish since the day we became engaged. He is now deployed and she has tried every way to step on my toes when it comes to my step kids, talking to him, or any plans we try to make if he gets to come home. she called me today and went off because she feels she doesnt get to see her grand kids enough. i have them every weekend but she is not allowed to have them because each time she does she does something off (ie the 2 yr old has asthma and she will smoke with him in the car). i told her she needed to give us space and she went off. she insisted i not tell my husband about this and i told her that i was going to so she informed me that if my husband got hurt in iraq it was my fault so i hung up.