Facebook etiquette with (former - I am unsure about this) girlfriend
History:
Ok I have been in a long-distance relationship with my (Indian) girlfriend in Dubai, I am from Amsterdam. My last trip I tried to find a job so we could live together before getting to the next level. Unfortunately, I was unable to find anything so I had to go back to Amsterdam. Our relationship had been in a status quo for over a month now, since we do want to find a way.
Issue 1
She recently changed her status to single without informing me or consulting me. I felt this was wrong because she should have informed me despite our "vague" status. Second, I thought we were "complicated" if anything. And last she shouldn't have flaunted it, as if she was calling out to all men in her friends list. What do you guys think about this?
After fighting about this she told me she would change it if I wanted her to do it. I do want her to do it, but I want her to want do it. She's now removed it altogether, which is the second best option i feel.
Issue 2
I just noticed I had no access to "our" albums anymore of our pictures, she never informed me. What do you think of that?
Previously we had a fight because I asked her to remove a picture from her ex boyfriend "A" in which they stared lovingly into each others' eyes. I have no problem of the existence of such a picture, I did have a problem with it being displayed so prominently. She complied without a fight, but when she informed him of removing it (which Im totally fine with and think is decent) their conversation was not acceptable to me. They ended up flirting with each other, even though it was "playfull", I felt deceived. I then asked her to remove him altogether from the friends-list. I realize this was not a good move. I indicated that this was probably bad, but it was the only way for me to deal with it. She complied but did it with a fight (understandably and I think she's right, I took my insecurity out on her). I think its hypocrite of her to inform him of such a decision and not me.
Issue 3
Yesterday she posted this as her status update: "Looking for a well educated boy from a good family to marry. (My mommy asked me to put this up. There you go [name Indian mother])" She did this as a joke at her mother's expense who is now worried that she'll never get married. The reason I put Indian is because apparently Indian girls get a lot of pressure to get married. With our "unstable" situation her mother is coming down on her even harder.
First, I think this is really unkind of my mother inlaw. She even replied to it saying" Well ........when the search gets tough.......the tough get going !!! ;-)" I am unsure if this is a jab at me. What do you think? Should I speak up and show her what my boundaries are?
I have not replied to the string, but it has 40 comments as of now. I feel any comment would weaken my position ("hey guys she's mine --> possessive; "hey I volunteer" --> loser)
Second, I feel its extremely inconsiderate of my girlfriend. She's indicated it was a joke at her mothers expense and could not see how I got hurt by that. I indicated that while it might have been a stab at her mother, she's actually hit me. She apologized for making me feel that way even though she does not understand. Just now she's sort of redeemed herself by saying "Chances of me having a weird ass surname to my name are VERY high and we all know that :) I still find it difficult to pronounce [my dutch surname]" Am I making to big of an issue of this? And if you see this in relation to the "single" status?
Issue 4
Ex boyfriend A replied to the string mentioned under 3. I then discovered that they were friends again. I spoke to her about this and she said they were messaging and then he sent her an invitation which she accepted. I became so insecure an jealous that I actually went back in her history till the date she removed him to see when they added each other. I could not find it. Presumably this mean she deleted the status message that they became friends. Although i was wrong to have her delete him, I think she should have at least informed me and tell me I was being childish or whatever.
What do you guys think? Am I rightly upset about this, or did she handle this correctly?
Ok its a lot now I read this back, and its never a good sign I suppose when you have this much. Still I'd love to hear what your thoughts are.
Thanks in advance!!
Ok I have been in a long-distance relationship with my (Indian) girlfriend in Dubai, I am from Amsterdam. My last trip I tried to find a job so we could live together before getting to the next level. Unfortunately, I was unable to find anything so I had to go back to Amsterdam. Our relationship had been in a status quo for over a month now, since we do want to find a way.
Issue 1
She recently changed her status to single without informing me or consulting me. I felt this was wrong because she should have informed me despite our "vague" status. Second, I thought we were "complicated" if anything. And last she shouldn't have flaunted it, as if she was calling out to all men in her friends list. What do you guys think about this?
After fighting about this she told me she would change it if I wanted her to do it. I do want her to do it, but I want her to want do it. She's now removed it altogether, which is the second best option i feel.
Issue 2
I just noticed I had no access to "our" albums anymore of our pictures, she never informed me. What do you think of that?
Previously we had a fight because I asked her to remove a picture from her ex boyfriend "A" in which they stared lovingly into each others' eyes. I have no problem of the existence of such a picture, I did have a problem with it being displayed so prominently. She complied without a fight, but when she informed him of removing it (which Im totally fine with and think is decent) their conversation was not acceptable to me. They ended up flirting with each other, even though it was "playfull", I felt deceived. I then asked her to remove him altogether from the friends-list. I realize this was not a good move. I indicated that this was probably bad, but it was the only way for me to deal with it. She complied but did it with a fight (understandably and I think she's right, I took my insecurity out on her). I think its hypocrite of her to inform him of such a decision and not me.
Issue 3
Yesterday she posted this as her status update: "Looking for a well educated boy from a good family to marry. (My mommy asked me to put this up. There you go [name Indian mother])" She did this as a joke at her mother's expense who is now worried that she'll never get married. The reason I put Indian is because apparently Indian girls get a lot of pressure to get married. With our "unstable" situation her mother is coming down on her even harder.
First, I think this is really unkind of my mother inlaw. She even replied to it saying" Well ........when the search gets tough.......the tough get going !!! ;-)" I am unsure if this is a jab at me. What do you think? Should I speak up and show her what my boundaries are?
I have not replied to the string, but it has 40 comments as of now. I feel any comment would weaken my position ("hey guys she's mine --> possessive; "hey I volunteer" --> loser)
Second, I feel its extremely inconsiderate of my girlfriend. She's indicated it was a joke at her mothers expense and could not see how I got hurt by that. I indicated that while it might have been a stab at her mother, she's actually hit me. She apologized for making me feel that way even though she does not understand. Just now she's sort of redeemed herself by saying "Chances of me having a weird ass surname to my name are VERY high and we all know that :) I still find it difficult to pronounce [my dutch surname]" Am I making to big of an issue of this? And if you see this in relation to the "single" status?
Issue 4
Ex boyfriend A replied to the string mentioned under 3. I then discovered that they were friends again. I spoke to her about this and she said they were messaging and then he sent her an invitation which she accepted. I became so insecure an jealous that I actually went back in her history till the date she removed him to see when they added each other. I could not find it. Presumably this mean she deleted the status message that they became friends. Although i was wrong to have her delete him, I think she should have at least informed me and tell me I was being childish or whatever.
What do you guys think? Am I rightly upset about this, or did she handle this correctly?
Ok its a lot now I read this back, and its never a good sign I suppose when you have this much. Still I'd love to hear what your thoughts are.
Thanks in advance!!
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