At what age does a daddy's daughter need to grow up and not want to be daddy's little monster,

My step daughter is 25 years old, she still has to be daddy's little monster (her way of signing cards etc..) When I met her dad, she was living out of state, when she moved home she started fights between my husband and myself,
If Jaymie does something inappropriate or something that bothers me, then my husband will not correct her or tell her its wrong, yet if my sons do something that offends him, I have a talk with my kids tell them the rules. jaymie is inconsiderate and changes plans with no regard to the rest of the family, my husband can not show any affection towards me while she is around yet he can in front of my boys who are 5 and 8 years younger. I asked to meet with her and get all of our issues out in the open but she refused, and my husband said I needed to back off of her, I am very frustrated and really are getting bad feelings for this 25 year old woman she is married with a child of her own