How should I deal with a LDR boyfriend who doesn't seem to truly care about me?

I've known my boyfriend for 4 years, and we've been dating seriously for about a year and a half. We're both 25. I live on the East Coast, where I'm in grad school, and he lives in the Southwest, where he works full time. We talk everyday, and I always ask him about his day, what he did at work, his plans, how things are, how his family is. I remember when he has a big meeting so I can wish him good luck, and I remember when he's having problems so I can follow up later.
My boyfriend just bought me a $250 plane ticket so I could come visit him, so I know that some part of him must want me to be with him. However, he doesn't really seem to care or show interest in my life.
I don't think he knows what classes I'm taking, and I just got a new job- and he didn't really care that I just got hired. He has never asked me a question about my new job. I don't even think he's asked what the job description is or where it's at.
I was acutely sick a few days ago, and when I told him, I got no sympathy at all... All he told me was, "that sucks." I confronted him and told him I wanted some sympathy, and he told me I was "trying to make him feminine," that I should just accept him as he is, and that I shouldn't try to make him change into someone who's more demonstrative....All this from someone who nitpicks about me constantly- he's always telling me the little things I do that he doesn't like. I almost never criticize him because he gets so defensive.
He didn't ask me if I felt better the next day. Since then, i've decided to stop telling him about my day and what I do and how I feel... He hasn't asked. It's been 3 days, and all of our conversations revolve around him and what's going on in his life. He never asks me about my day, how i feel, what I'm doing. Nothing. And if I mention something that's going on in my life, he never has anything to say, so we start talking about him again.
I don't know what to do. I'm petrified that I'm in love with a man who has no real interest in me. I don't want to bring it up because he just spent so much money flying me out to see him, and I feel guilty for doubting him after he gives me such a nice gift. I just feel like he doesn't give a crap about my life when i'm not with him, and that he likes it when I'm sharing physical space with him, but he doesn't care when I'm not around. I just want him to show he cares- I'm not a hopeless romantic either- I don't expect flowers or love letters- I want him to show interest in my life, to be excited by my achievements, and care about my feelings. I want to know he's in love with me, and doesn't just love me when I'm sharing the same physical space...
When I visited him, I was there for 3 nights- i hadn't seen him for over a month, and I probably won't see him again for 2 more months, and he wouldn't cuddle or hold me a single time. He forced me to go out with his friends when I was beyond exhausted (i had woken up at 4 AM to catch a red-eye to see him) and when we came home late and I was too tired to have sex, he told me not to touch him...he wouldn't hold me (and we had already done it once that day!). The first day we barely got 1hr of alone time. We had to go out with his friends, and then we had to skype with a mutual friend for over an hours...all this before we got to just be with one another. I don't need to be with him and only him all the time, but after a long separation, I do want to have alone time with him, just to be with one another. He never tells me he loves me unless I tell him first.
I am so unhappy, and i'm so afraid of being ungrateful, I don't know what to do.
By 8 years ago :: Dating
  • Iain A. Morrison
    MA Psych Cert Ed.
    Loving attachment is probably the greatest source of our happiness - I can help if it is going wrong - or manage the hurt if its over $2.00/minute
       4.82/5
  • Arundhati Dutta
    MSW (NYU)
    Unhappy? Confused? Depressed? Jealous? Angry at your partner? Tired of being misunderstood? Whatever your relationship issues I can help you address them! $2.99/minute
       4.97/5
  • View More Experts
    8