Whether I am wrong in this case or my husband and his stepson are?

I am married to a guy who had a son at the time living with him who was 3 years old at the time we got married. He didn't know for 3/4 years that I was his step mom. And I have never treated him like one ever either. He has been living with us and he has been spoiled in a way from the very beginning by his dad and grandparents. Anyway, now I have my own son who is 3 years old. I love both the boys. But me and my husband get into fight so many time because of his son.

I have been brought up in a culture where spanking was okay and I have been spanken so many times as a kid by my parents. When a child does something wrong, in our culture it is okay to spank a child if need be so. So unfortunately I have this habit too. I do spank my own child and His son on a rare cases. Which my husband does not like. he does not believe in spanking at all. And that is fine. Both husband and wife are not going ot have same philosophy about raising the kids. But the problem is he gets very mad at me if I spank his son . He doesn't say anything when I spank our son who is 3 now. Actually he himself has spanken our own son so much few months ago.

Few days ago both of the boys got into fight where my own son, started crying in pain with his finger being bent. When I calmed him down , he told me that his big brother ( my stepson) pulled his finger back and pushed him away. So I asked my stepson about it and he refused it. ( as always) He always hits or hurts my own son or does something to him and then lies totally about it. And there has been time when I have seen it by my own eyes. Anyway, but after asking to my stepson he told me that my son pushed him and in that case his finger got hurt which was a bit hard to believe for me. So anyway, I spanked him twice, and that was it.!!! He got so mad at me, he stood up , started yelling and screaming at me and said I hate you,I don't like you at all, you are mean. and then he grabbed both of my hands so tight, and at the same time he started kicking me with his knee . So I tried to let go one of my hand from his hand to save my self and he hit me on my neck preety hard where I have gotten stitches just few days ago. I was under surgery few days ago. So then I had to push him back hard enough to save myself before i would get more hit by him. And by the way, he is a big guy who is almost 9 years old and has taken Taekwondo .

So after all these drama, I got upset with him, and told him that I also don't like you, and you can go back to your mother if she would keep you. And I told him that if he hits me one more time, he won't be able to live in this house. And one more thing to mention that he has hit me many times in the past too. He even has kicked me when I was pregnant with my son. So this was now getting over board for me. But When my husband came home, and his son told him half of the story by hiding that he hit me on my stitches and all that and by hiding that he told me So many things . He just told his father that he got hit by me twice and then I told him to leave the house and told him that I don't like him. So kind of he hid certain things and added some as well. Then I told my husband what had happened and my husband started protecting by saying that my son didn't say he hit you on your stitches and you are the one who told him all the mean thing, not him............... and so on, he just kept protecting his son rather than asking him in front of me, what was the truth. And he never ever asked his son to come and say sorry to me, no matter what.

In our culture, it is not okay to hit parents at all, or even older people than you. And I am sure, things are same in this american culture too. We don't even raise our voice at our parents. My husband can't even open his mouth infront of his parents who has been absuing me for 6 years now. I have been in a marriage where my in-laws has been treating me like a shit, they have leaved with us for many years. Now they are on their own but they still do manage me and my husband. In short , my in-laws are very bossy and dominant. But my husband has never been able to say anything to his parents, even when he knew , I was not at any fault. They have been treating me like a worker who is working for them. Anyway, the point is that my husband never has opend his mouth in front of his parents and his son has been hitting me for ever but he never says anything to his son. This time I think it was too much for a 9 year old to do with a step mom or even to anybody. So i have stopped talking to both, my husband and his son until my stepson would apologize to me. But my husband has not said a word to his son as alway , which always gives him very strong okay signal when his father doesn't correct him for his mistake.

What do you all think, shouldn't my step son apologize to me? And I know I have said some of the stuff to him was not right, so I sure would apologize to him, if he comes to me. But my step son has also stopped talking to me. He is enjoying his days. .

Any help would be appreciated. I am always being treated by my husband like I am his son's babysitter. He wants me to do everything for his son. but he doesn't like it when I say anything to his son. It is getting very upsetting .
By Needymom 9 years ago :: Parent/Child
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