Should I postpone the wedding, end the relationship, seek counseling?
I've been with my fiance for a little over 7 years. We met in high school and for the most part it's been great. In January of this year we broke up. It felt like the right thing to do because we both were simply not happy anymore. I had recently graduated from college and got a job in another city. She stayed on our hometown and we both just started drifting apart.
During the break I focused completely on bettering myself. I started working out, going to church and really analyzing what went wrong in our relationship. I came to the conclusion that I was simply a jerk. I am overall a nice guy but it seemed like my ambition got the best of me and I focused more on my school and career than I did on our relationship. She went the other way during the break, she found another guy and for all I could tell was happy. This guy had no car, house, job etc. but he showed her affection. The one thing she had not gotten from me. In February I began pursuing her again and I truly felt like a different person. She noticed it as well as others around us and she decided to give me another chance. This time I swore I was going to be the man she needed me to be and I went so far as to propose to her. She said yes!!
Soon after we became engaged we both agreed it would be best for her to move with me. I was finally in a career that I loved and I made enough for us to live on. I figured she could come up here and find out what she wanted to do for the rest of her life and we would live happily ever after. WRONG!! She lived here for 3 months and she hated it. She hated not having her friends around, her family, her comfort zone. I was stressed because whatever I tried didn't work. Nothing could make her as happy as being back home. She ended up moving back home.
Cut to today. Basically we spoke and she said if I did not find a job in our hometown she would not move back up here with me. This frustrates me and truly makes me wonder about our upcoming wedding. She is a great woman but I still have a lot of doubts about our relationship. Aside from this bombshell that was dropped on me. I wonder about other things. One of the shining qualities that really drew me back to her was the fact that we had never been with anyone else sexually. During our break, she changed that. Ouch! She has no ambition or goals in life, which for me is very scary. She lives day to day and thinks nothing of the future. We have talked about this and she says that when you love someone you love them and are willing to put up with their flaws. She also has a big anger problem and can be quite nasty during arguements. She can also be the most generous, sweet, caring person in the world. I'm just so confused on what to do.
HELP!!!
During the break I focused completely on bettering myself. I started working out, going to church and really analyzing what went wrong in our relationship. I came to the conclusion that I was simply a jerk. I am overall a nice guy but it seemed like my ambition got the best of me and I focused more on my school and career than I did on our relationship. She went the other way during the break, she found another guy and for all I could tell was happy. This guy had no car, house, job etc. but he showed her affection. The one thing she had not gotten from me. In February I began pursuing her again and I truly felt like a different person. She noticed it as well as others around us and she decided to give me another chance. This time I swore I was going to be the man she needed me to be and I went so far as to propose to her. She said yes!!
Soon after we became engaged we both agreed it would be best for her to move with me. I was finally in a career that I loved and I made enough for us to live on. I figured she could come up here and find out what she wanted to do for the rest of her life and we would live happily ever after. WRONG!! She lived here for 3 months and she hated it. She hated not having her friends around, her family, her comfort zone. I was stressed because whatever I tried didn't work. Nothing could make her as happy as being back home. She ended up moving back home.
Cut to today. Basically we spoke and she said if I did not find a job in our hometown she would not move back up here with me. This frustrates me and truly makes me wonder about our upcoming wedding. She is a great woman but I still have a lot of doubts about our relationship. Aside from this bombshell that was dropped on me. I wonder about other things. One of the shining qualities that really drew me back to her was the fact that we had never been with anyone else sexually. During our break, she changed that. Ouch! She has no ambition or goals in life, which for me is very scary. She lives day to day and thinks nothing of the future. We have talked about this and she says that when you love someone you love them and are willing to put up with their flaws. She also has a big anger problem and can be quite nasty during arguements. She can also be the most generous, sweet, caring person in the world. I'm just so confused on what to do.
HELP!!!
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