Is it wrong to marry a man and opt out of the step parenting role?

My fiancee of 4 years dating has 2 children (11 & 13) from a previous marriage. He travels 3 hours each way to get them every other weekend. I strongly disagree with how they are raised in both affluent homes and it causes me great anxiety and frustration when they are visiting. It is so bad that I am starting to dislike and question my love for my fiancee because he seems to think I should just suck it up. They are messy, lazy, overly pampered, have a strong beyond-their-years feeling of entitlement, etc. I end up feeling like a battered maid when they leave.
I started raising my own children when I was very young and had a too busy, fast paced life. My children were raised with chores, values and expectations(no, they didn't always behave greatly but they always knew what was expected of them).
Please understand that the children do not "need/want" me around and the push for me to stay in the trenches is my fiancees way of forcing the "family unit". The children already have an active mother and visit to see their Dad. I think that it is best for everyone if I visit my grandaughter who lives 3 hours away during the majority of the time my fiancee's children are visiting him. I never get to see her and my family should be given the same priority of time; even though they are older now.
By lynn123 9 years ago :: Family (Extended)
  • Rafael Morales Toia
    I have extensive training and expertise in clinical, counseling, transpersonal/integral psychology and coaching. I provide support to those willing to work on themselves… $1.38/minute
       4.84/5 Chat Now Call Now
  • Iain A. Morrison
    MA Psych Cert Ed.
    Loving attachment is probably the greatest source of our happiness - I can help if it is going wrong - or manage the hurt if its over $1.00/minute
       4.82/5 Chat Now Call Now
  • View More Experts