I'm so pissed and I have no idea why..?

Well let's start this off with my boyfriend, he's turning 18 and he lives in Florida while I live in Canada, things were well, until arguments started to set in, e constantly barrages me about how I nag him too much, how I judge his friends too much and how I am too close minded, because I am a Christian, and he is Agnostic. We've come a long way, he accepts me almost completely but recently things have happened. I'm only 17 and we had plans to move in with each other this year, because of my parents and his parents, we have to wait 2 years to see each other, I'm not worried about him being faithful but obviously this bothers him a lot, ever since my mom and his dad first said it, we've been arguing up the wall, he yells at me for nagging at him, I cry for him not listening, he yells at me for crying, I snap at him for telling me what to do and then we just settle off into a silence, and we don't talk. He's very popular, to say the least, women love him, so do his friends, and I have little to no friends left. I'm just so annoyed, we recently stopped fighting and I have a strange feeling it is because I convinced my mom to let me go down and see him graduate. Now he's all happy, and I'm still pissed, because before when I try to talk , he avoided me, now all of a sudden I feel as if he's just suddenly HAPPY because yet again he got what he wanted... just screw what I want... I love him, I want to see him, I just wanted him to realize I've got some needs too, not only him. I ask him to sing me to sleep, he does without question, I just feel like every time I ask him to be emotional he runs away, my mom doesn't want me to go to Florida, she's made it obvious and every time I tell him he says "Screw what she thinks." I care about what she thinks, shes my mom, a lot of the fights me and Chris have are because I have to care for all of his needs, while mine are second best. Every time we make love, I pleasure him, Every time I say romantic things, I pleasure him, this is what he does for me.

He sings me to sleep.
He says I love you sometimes.
He's open minded about my sickness.

But I feel like I need more. Like my head is a mess, and I want to speak to him, but before when I used to bring it up, he kept saying "Not now, I have exams.", "Not now later." I just feel so broken about that, now he suddenly wants to be emotional? After I start walking away when he pisses me off? He used to tell me to Go away, not to touch him.

Recently my mom has been a giant pain in the ass, her and her boyfriend always arguing, I sit there listening to the yelling and screaming between them, I take Anti-depressants, because I just don't know what to do.

I have a fear of dirty things, my mom doesn't want to clean because she's sad about her boyfriend, she doesn't want to cook, and I'm very sick, I can't walk out every 5 minutes just to buy something, and my anti depressants make me hungry, so I need a lot of food, she makes me go down to the grocery because she's just too sad to. God I felt like ending my life a few days ago,
I'm under so much pressure.

I love my boyfriend, I think he is the sweetest ever, but am I being selfish? I mean he does do romantic things, then ruins it by fat jokes, or crude jokes. I can't say no, EVERYONE wants me to say yes... yet no one cares about the repercussions it will have on me....

By 8 years ago :: Dating
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