Nearly 10 years after my college boyfriend dumped he contacted me on facebook. Why do you think he did this?

When I was in college about 10 years ago, I dated a guy for nearly a year. The relationship started with him in hot pursuit of me. I was initially disinterested, but his charm convinced me to give him a chance. We had a good relationship and seemed to be a fair match. He even discussed his desire to marry me one day. Being a year older than him, I graduated before he did. The summer after my graduation, we tried to maintain a long distance relationship. We both lived with our parents (in different states) that summer. I started getting the clue that something was amiss, when his grandmother sent me a book about relationships not working out. From my memory it seems we had a brief talk about things not working out...but it was not satisfactory. I became a bit obsessed with sorting this out. I would call his house and his mother would answer and not let me talk to him. I would call his cell phone and he would never answer. I eventually gave up having reached no good conclusion to the end of our relationship. I was devastated that someone had fooled me into thinking that they cared about me so much only to act as if it were better if I no longer existed. I became depressed, but eventually moved on with my life never speaking to him again...until 5 years later. About 5 years after dumping me he sent me an email to say hi. It just so happened that I had just got married that week. I emailed him back and said that I had just got married and that's all I said. I didn't hear from him again for another 5 years-- (which was this week). He sent me a personal message on facebook. His part of the dialog seemed to be friendly. I tried to return some politeness. I told him I had been married for 5 years, that I had a dog and a 3 year old...I also said it puzzled me why he decided to contact me on facebook. He said he was just curious about how I was doing. He mentioned our break-up as an afterthought and said "if I never said so, I'm sorry". He blamed it on being 21 and not in the right place for what I wanted. There was really nothing else and it seemed so detached...It was so ridiculous..."If I never said so, I'm sorry?"...No he never said so, his grandmother had to send me subliminal message in book then his mom had to restrict my access to talking to him. I thought a while about what to write back. Yes I have moved on with my life. I have a great career and a great family. But this just opened up an old wound. I wanted to write back all sorts of nasty little things that I would like to say, but I decided not to. My few messages that I sent back were basiclly biographical and polite. But after giving him a chance for me to have closure, he botched it...making it seem like what he did was maybe not the best thing...blaming it on being 21 years old. My last and final message was this "My pleasantries have run out. I don't think there is anything left to say". I decided to send that instead of all the emotional things I never got the chance to confront him with.By the way, he is still single with no children but appears to be very successful in his career. So my questions are:

1. What do you think was his motivation in contacting me after all of these years?
2. What do you think about how I concluded our facebook discussion? Should I have said more?
3. Any further comments about the situation are welcome.


I wish that he had never contacted me. I can't believe it bothers me 10 years later.
By 1life2live 9 years ago :: Bitter Ex
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