Kept in the dark....?

Hi All,

I am wanting to gain some different perspectives on a situation I have with my boyfriend at the moment. Let me set the scene! We have been together 2 years, lived together for 1, and are very happy, make each other laugh, include each other in all our friend and family circles and have a great sex life. We are slightly different in that we both get turned on by the thought of each other playing away, but ONLY if we tell each other - and not as a regular thing but just to add a bit of kinkiness. We've only done it twice in the two years, but sometimes have kinky conversations with people and talk about 3sums etc. He is definitely more into me playing away than I am, he loves the thought of it.

Anyway, I recently found out he's been talking to one girl, a lot - a girl he has slept with before, years ago. However, I wasn't in on any of this at all. (I know he chats to some people on and off briefly but nothing really to major on). He in fact said they spoke weeks back and he couldn't even remember what was said. I found out they regularly webcam, talk dirty, talk about arranging things (not to my knowledge) - to give him his credit he does mention me in these convos and tells her about our sort of open situation, and how I'd quite like to see a video etc., and the talk does seem to revolve mainly around sex. However, at the same time I also found out he still talks a lot to his ex, and still fantasises about the naughty things they used to do - they had a very very kinky relatioship. She isn't like that anymore, is engaged and a devout Christian… but it upset me a bit to think of him still getting off on it. But the main issue was that I totally don't feel included, and when I realised how much he was talking to this girl it upset me. So I spoke with him about it. We had a good conversation (over msn as he was away home for the weekend), and he admitted he should have told me but he just plays things down sometimes and he doesn't know why. He said he guessed I would be annoyed, but obviously this situation was worse. When he came home we discussed and I felt better about it.

Until, I have now found out that while he was talking to me on msn, he was talking to this girl at the same time! He told her I was upset with him and that I now know they talk a lot. Anyway he asked her not to mention anything to anyone about their horniness, and to keep it sshh for a while as he didn't want me to find out… and then they proceeded to talk dirty while he amused himself shall we say! This was all at the same time as he was telling me he was sorry and he should share it with me etc etc. Now I don't know what to do! He's usually so caring and thoughtful towards me, I don't know if he has a thing for this girl, if it's just sexual, or why they have to talk sooo often, and why he told me he'd tell me and then proceed not to.

Any help would be much appreciated!
By Elle83 8 years ago :: Dating
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