I have a situation on my hands that I don’t quite know how to interpret.

These last couple of years I have been in the most amazing relationship with a wonderful guy who previous to being my boyfriend was one of my best friends.

Since we are both grad students we live together during the week and go back to our respective hometowns during weekends for some family time. From the moment I told my parents about our relationship they were very much interested not only in meeting my boyfriend, but also in getting to know him as a person. Over the years they have gone out of their way to provide him a warm welcome whenever he visits for a couple of days and to include him in every family gathering or event. He, in turn, is always more than polite and attentive towards my parents, grandparents and the rest of my extended family. Needless to say they all get on like a house on fire.

I regret having to say that my relationship with his family on the other hand is pretty much non-existent. Even during the first year of our relationship I was more than willing to meet his family (I told my boyfriend this without pushing the issue), but as the months went by it became clear it wasn’t very likely that his parents would -at that time- initiate anything of the sort. Personally I felt that:
A) inviting them over myself would be quite difficult seeing as my boyfriend and I weren’t living together then and neither of our dorm rooms was quite big enough to comfortably accommodate so many people, in addition I felt it wouldn’t be acceptable if I were to invite them to a nice restaurant and then ask them to pay for their own meals as I couldn’t at that time afford to pick up the bill;
B) it wasn’t impossible they were just taking their time to see if our relationship was serious/going somewhere/good for their son, and I really didn’t want to impose myself on them.

Time went by, our relationship was thriving and we moved in together. By this time my boyfriend had met all of my extended family and he had stayed at my home several weekends. His parents (and siblings), however, still didn’t show any real interest in meeting me for the first time.
I finally met his father when he was dropping my boyfriend off on a Sunday (usually my boyfriend gets dropped off several hours before my train arrives in the city where we study). My boyfriend brought his suitcase inside, told me his dad was downstairs and asked me if I wanted to meet him. Of course I wanted to meet him! I was so excited!
Turns out the only reason his dad hadn’t driven off yet was because some of my boyfriend’s stuff was still in the car. Meeting his dad (shaking his hand, introducing myself, inviting him up for a drink, being refused and seeing him drive out of our street) lasted no more than 3 minutes. This is quite similar to my meeting his mother and one of his siblings.

They have never invited me to dinner or a family event.
Furthermore, I had been told that the reason I would never be invited to his house was that they felt ashamed of the condition it was in. Recently my boyfriend bought a new couch for his room at home and was eager to dispense with the old one. Meanwhile a my best friend (who has been a good friend of his for years too) is in need of a couch and on a strict budget. My boyfriend offered to give his couch to this friend for free, with the sole provision that she has to come pick it up and transport it. Picking this couch up would also mean going into his house and helping him carry it down (his parents are too old to lift heavy objects) from the second floor. His parents don’t have problems with this scenario.

I don’t know what to make of the fact that it would be ok for one of my best friends to get an unofficial tour of his house, while I’ve been explicitly told that I was never going to be wanted/welcome there. Additionally, I don’t know how to interpret/feel about the fact they genuinely seem rather indifferent to my existence, even though my boyfriend swears up and down they don’t have a problem with me and hold me in high regard.

What do you guys think? What impression does this give you?



Ps: This really isn’t about my boyfriend or his (in)actions. I know the situation bothers him a lot, he wants me to properly get acquainted with his family, to see his house and his room and in the past he has brought up this subject a number of times with his family. I have asked him not to push the issue too much, because I don’t want to be the cause of a serious argument within this family.
By Charlin 8 years ago :: Family (Extended)
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