In-laws hate me. Can we be happy again and somehow eliminate the drama/heartache They insist on creating?

Todd and I met almost 2 years ago. We both pretty much knew when we met that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Like all couples we have our fights, but he is my best friend and I would do anything for him. If he's not happy I'm not happy and vice verca. Which means that we are both very unhappy right now.
After a month or so we decided to meet eachothers families. Mine was skeptical due to the "boyfriend of the month" club they joked about my whole life, but by about 6 months in, they actually believed me that I truly love him and that it was the real deal. Once they realized that I wasn't going to break up with him after a month (haha) they got to know him. And they fell in love with him too! They consider him part of the family as much as my brother or me, and treat him with love and respect.
Todds family, however, did not share the same sentiments towards me. I had met them a few times and his siblings immediately made sure that I was aware that I was an unwanted person in their life. His parents were kind to me, they spoke to me, but I was never able to get many words into conversations bc his mom would pretty much steam roll over me, but that's ok and I could deal with that. There were Many issues in the following year. We moved in together at 7 months because we spent all our time together and thought it was silly to keep paying for and travelling between two houses. Unfortunately his family lives next door to us. This created a problem because they would just walk in the house any time they felt like it, and I couldn't take a stroll in the yard with my do without having someone start yelling things down at me. But still, I could deal. At Easter I had a kidneystone and could barely get out of bed. Todd chose to stay with me instead of go to dinner, though I encouraged him to go. This resulted in a few angry phone calls and him finally just going to dinner. After this, everytime I am around his family I start noticing that he's getting phone calls... From his siblings.. Making fun of me, saying I have a drinking problem for accepting the glass of wine his mother offered, always making fun of something after every visit. At this point we've been together about a year and I confront him and say I think it's time you stand up for me. He confronts the siblings who pretty much say they haven't done anything wrong and that ever since we met he doesn't talk to them. At this point I almost can't take seeing them bc I'm so stressed angry etc. But.. I decide to make even more of an effort, I try to talk more, which todds not happy about, he feels his family is "rowdy" ad doesn't want me turning into that. So he doesn't want me around them, they feel like I'm taking him away. Pretty much lose lose. Yet I still continue to try. Then one night he pops the question, I was so happy, we shared the news with our families only to have his brother respond that he's making a huge mistake and his sister make rude comments. Todd was devastated!!! But we held onto eachother and just kept trucking. I came up with this brilliant idea to have his family my family and our closest friends get together to celebrate. I organized a game where they had to answer questions about us. I thought this was a great way for them to see how happy he is and to learn some things about our life together. Instead, his siblings yelled out rude and Derogatory remarks. My father then does a toast, just wishing us a happy life, and then his mother stands up praising how wonderful Todd is. I whole heartedly agree! However she talked about this for about 5 min and then said to me "you better not treat him badly" and adds "and don't you guys have any children". My mom then toasts to our love and to everyone bring supportive of us to which one sibling says loudly "I'm not toasting to that!" I'm pretty much trying not to break down ad cry at this point but I manage to hold it in. I thank everyone for coming and give hugs. Then my friend pulls me aside and says she needs to tell me something. Todds sister was whisperig things during the game. Like what, I ask. "I hope they don't make it to the altar I don't want them to get married" was one. There were more but I'll spare you. There are plenty insults to come.
So we go home, I'm hysterical cuz I thought this might help them accept our relationship yet all I got were nasty comments all night. Next day his mom calls to see how we think things went. Todd flipped on her. She hung up, then his sister calls.. She says she's sorry for what she said but that it's MY MOMs fault!! He says that's bs. She then says " ur fiancé Is a c*** her mom is a c***. She's going to cheat on you. She's a worthless B. And you can tell her she can be happy she finally got what she wanted she broke our family apart. Todd hung up and they haven't talked since. That was in march. Lucky for me since they live next door to us, I've had the privilege of his father asking to meet Todd in the yard and scream like a two year old, including things like She did this to us.
After a few weeks Todd decides to talk to his mom. He says how he feels about me and he's happy and why can't they see that? She says I don't care how you feel, nobody is going to rip my family apart (which Todd feels was a threat towards me). Since then we've had almost no contact. Except for the other sister.. She talks to us but keeps saying I need to "get over this". Get over what, I ask? I never said an unkind word or stopped talking to anyone or anything. Yesterday I had a talk with her and she pretty much said I ripped him from the family. I said no, you guys did. You didn't accept him, you didn't accept his fiancé, you pretty much forced him to choose. We had a long talk but I pretty much said that if I hear one more tiime that this is my fault or that I ruined him, I'm going to finally say something. I also said if he is hanging out with everyone less take that up with him not me. I don't run his life. We make plans together and he has his own free will. I never said no to seeing anyone, it's his choice.
So at this point, we aren't really talking to anyone. I did hear yesterday from the sister that they do feel i don't let him be around them which I've tried to explain is untrue so Many times.. I haven't planned our wedding because with this going on I'm not sure If we will even have one or just elope. Keep in mind I've tried to rectify this several times and each time the nasty gossip got back to Todd every time, they were still rude to me and make my life hell. I'd like to cut them out completely but I love him and it's his family. So what do I/we do? I can't live like this anymore and I honestly don't see any way to fix the situation. They want him single, they hate me, and nothings changing that. So how do we find a way to be happy, get married, etc. When his family is making it next to impossible? Remember i've tried Many ways to try to get them to see I'm ok but nothing works. I don't think they will ever accept us, or be happy or even civil to us. I need help because this is causing massive heartache for is Both. We've been so blessed to find eachother, now of we can just get through this trial... If we don't find a solution I fear it could eventually provide so much stress and resentment that we won't br able to stop it. :(
By icaretoomuch 8 years ago :: Marriage
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