His Porn is Affecting Our Relationship in the Real World
My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile. We are in our early 20's, but do not live together. Our relationship is a very happy one, generally.
The issue at hand is that he, like most guys, watches porn. That is fine. The problem I have with it is that it is actually affecting my life to a degree it hasn't before. Some recent examples are that we visited his parents in another state and he brought his laptop. I fell asleep in the guest room they gave us and he said he'd be up awhile yet. I woke up around 2 am to the glow of a computer monitor - he was in the room watching porn on his laptop and it woke me up. I didn't say anything and fell asleep again, disgusted.
Another example is his lateness. He has been late multiple times to meet me at places because he was watching porn. Once two weeks ago he told me he'd meet me at the gym so we could work out together. He was 45 minutes late because of porn and I was done with my workout. I ended up going home while he stayed to work out. He did this to me this week too... he agreed to meet me somewhere at a certain time and I waited 22 minutes for him to roll around. Not only that, I told him earlier that day we could have some time together (if you know what I mean) after the time we were supposed to meet and he couldn't wait an hour. He had to masturbate first - and I told him we were going to have time alone about 8 hours before! I feel like a second fiddle to the porn. He always told me I was enough for him, and that porn was second. Well, no, he just proved to me there that 1) He couldn't wait an hour to be with me, he had to get his rocks off on porn before and 2) he was late yet again to meet me at a specified time we both agreed on. I feel second to the porn all the time. We have an active sex life, so he isn't lacking there. I try in vain to be with him all the time, feeling like I am competing with the porn. In that incidence, it actually came in first.
He says it's normal and all guys look at porn. I asked him if he could just look at it on days we aren't supposed to be together and then keep away from it on days we were together. He said that was controlling but he seems to grudgingly accept it. I don't know if he'll actually do it. I keep believing I'll be in the same place next week, checking my watch and waiting around for him while knowing that he is looking at porn while he keeps me waiting. He looks at porn nearly everyday. I am not telling him to stay off it entirely. I am at a loss. Is it too much to ask or is he right?
The issue at hand is that he, like most guys, watches porn. That is fine. The problem I have with it is that it is actually affecting my life to a degree it hasn't before. Some recent examples are that we visited his parents in another state and he brought his laptop. I fell asleep in the guest room they gave us and he said he'd be up awhile yet. I woke up around 2 am to the glow of a computer monitor - he was in the room watching porn on his laptop and it woke me up. I didn't say anything and fell asleep again, disgusted.
Another example is his lateness. He has been late multiple times to meet me at places because he was watching porn. Once two weeks ago he told me he'd meet me at the gym so we could work out together. He was 45 minutes late because of porn and I was done with my workout. I ended up going home while he stayed to work out. He did this to me this week too... he agreed to meet me somewhere at a certain time and I waited 22 minutes for him to roll around. Not only that, I told him earlier that day we could have some time together (if you know what I mean) after the time we were supposed to meet and he couldn't wait an hour. He had to masturbate first - and I told him we were going to have time alone about 8 hours before! I feel like a second fiddle to the porn. He always told me I was enough for him, and that porn was second. Well, no, he just proved to me there that 1) He couldn't wait an hour to be with me, he had to get his rocks off on porn before and 2) he was late yet again to meet me at a specified time we both agreed on. I feel second to the porn all the time. We have an active sex life, so he isn't lacking there. I try in vain to be with him all the time, feeling like I am competing with the porn. In that incidence, it actually came in first.
He says it's normal and all guys look at porn. I asked him if he could just look at it on days we aren't supposed to be together and then keep away from it on days we were together. He said that was controlling but he seems to grudgingly accept it. I don't know if he'll actually do it. I keep believing I'll be in the same place next week, checking my watch and waiting around for him while knowing that he is looking at porn while he keeps me waiting. He looks at porn nearly everyday. I am not telling him to stay off it entirely. I am at a loss. Is it too much to ask or is he right?
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