How to discuss/resolve what appears to be sex-drive compatability issue with my girlfriend.

She is a professional 39 year old girl and I am a professional 36 year old guy. We both take our careers seriously. Entirely by coincidence we met at a social event one year ago and have been gradually getting to know each other since then. We started dating very slowly, gradually getting to know each other. It was six months into this process before sex even came into the equation.

By all accounts I would say we are absolutely madly in love with each other and we both make every effort to spend as much time with each other as possible. All of our friends would agree that we are 'that annoying couple' who are always being affectionate and loving with each other in public. Because our progression through the relationship has been so slow, something I was totally okay with, I am now becoming more concerned that her sex drive and mine are not entirely compatible. Clearly sex is not the most important part of a relationship, but it is important, at least to me.

In past relationships, it would not be at all uncommon to have sex literally every day or every other day. And multiple times on lazy days. Especially early on in the relationship. Look, I know that is not sustainable in the long term, but, as a point of comparison, my current girlfriend almost seems to be ‘scheduling’ sex for Saturday mornings only, and sometimes Sunday too. I thought this would evolve, as did all the other aspects of our relationship, but it seems this is becoming the status quo and all that she needs. I seem to be the one initiating intimacy most of the time. In the past I have been used to girls being a bit more aggressive and assertive with me, and I like that, I just sometimes feel like I am ‘pestering her’ looking for intimacy. And it feels very uncomfortable and odd, to feel that way.

I could very well see myself marrying this girl and being with her forever, she feels exactly the same way, of that I am certain, even though she is Jewish and I am Catholic, we are both okay with the cultural differences and poke fun at each other over this, both our families are okay with this too. So, I don’t want to sound flippant to be droning on about how often we don’t have sex, but it’s a key ingredient to any relationship and even though we are both great communicators, I just cant see how to bring this up to her without the conversation causing permanent damage. We are each made differently, and clearly I just have a stronger sex drive, so why should I expect her to change just to satisfy me?? And even if she did change, I don’t know how I would feel about that, because then I would feel she is doing something she doesn’t want to, just to please me, which would completely be a turn off for me.

I’ve been running the scenario through my head about how to address this, and perhaps there is no fix, perhaps this is a true deal breaker (I hope not), but I have gotten some solid advice from the sidetaker community in the past and hope that some of you can weigh in and let me know if this is a salvageable situation and how to address the situation without hurting her but still being true to myself. Because I do care, this last year has been the best in my life, and I want this to work. Your thoughts?? (Thanks!)
By thechef 8 years ago :: Dating
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