How do you move on from your daddy/mommy issues and learn to accept yourself for who you are?
I have always struggled in life (socially, career, love life) because of a couple of things:
a) I spent the first 23 years of my life trying to make my parents, my older sister, my ex girlfriend love me for who I am.
b) I was always looking for a mentor/father figure/maternal figure that would love me and accept me for who I am and tell me what to do with my life. And have always been disappointed because I expect and demand so much from bosses and counselors and professors and therapists.
c) The thing is I am not entirely stupid - so at some point I consciously realized that I do this.. and since then I have spent the last 8 years of my life resenting my mother/father/older sister/ex gf for *not* having accepted me for who I am and making me so hungry for mentorship/approval/love etc
The judgmental voice in my head (and I am guessing some of the responses here) will tell me to grow up and move on. But the fact is that this issue is too deeply ingrained to just disappear,
My boyfriend right now often has to bear the brunt of this, although thankfully I am self aware enough now to apologize after the fact for projecting my issues onto him. The issue is I don't feel comfortable with myself, which of course leaks into not feeling comfortable with other people and not feeling motivated at work and eventually leads to me having a week every month invariably when I am PMS-ing when I lock myself in my room with my laptop and eat junk and cry a lot and watch bad tv and think about quitting my job and doing something more "meaningful" that I can "respect" except there isn't much I can respect because the there isn't much I will be respected for in my family.
The things my mom approves of my sister looks down on, the things my dad approves of my mom scoffs at, the things my sister approves of changes every second and if I don't do things she approves of she acts so disgusted that I get anxiety attacks just thinking about trying to do my own thing without approval because I cannot handle the psychological bullying and discouragement. I feel like a pathetic loser. The things I want to do are more like fantasies and my boyfriend thinks I should start being more realistic and practical which makes me feel like he's un-supportive and insensitive and doesn't understand that I cannot deal with the pressure of succeeding in real life because I guess deep down inside I don't feel like it's possible. At the age of 29 I shouldn't still be so hung up on what my mother and father and older sister think. I should have found my own niche and worked on building it and being proud of it, but unfortunately it seems I am too desperate for love and approval to be able to have my own path. How do I stop being so pathetic?
a) I spent the first 23 years of my life trying to make my parents, my older sister, my ex girlfriend love me for who I am.
b) I was always looking for a mentor/father figure/maternal figure that would love me and accept me for who I am and tell me what to do with my life. And have always been disappointed because I expect and demand so much from bosses and counselors and professors and therapists.
c) The thing is I am not entirely stupid - so at some point I consciously realized that I do this.. and since then I have spent the last 8 years of my life resenting my mother/father/older sister/ex gf for *not* having accepted me for who I am and making me so hungry for mentorship/approval/love etc
The judgmental voice in my head (and I am guessing some of the responses here) will tell me to grow up and move on. But the fact is that this issue is too deeply ingrained to just disappear,
My boyfriend right now often has to bear the brunt of this, although thankfully I am self aware enough now to apologize after the fact for projecting my issues onto him. The issue is I don't feel comfortable with myself, which of course leaks into not feeling comfortable with other people and not feeling motivated at work and eventually leads to me having a week every month invariably when I am PMS-ing when I lock myself in my room with my laptop and eat junk and cry a lot and watch bad tv and think about quitting my job and doing something more "meaningful" that I can "respect" except there isn't much I can respect because the there isn't much I will be respected for in my family.
The things my mom approves of my sister looks down on, the things my dad approves of my mom scoffs at, the things my sister approves of changes every second and if I don't do things she approves of she acts so disgusted that I get anxiety attacks just thinking about trying to do my own thing without approval because I cannot handle the psychological bullying and discouragement. I feel like a pathetic loser. The things I want to do are more like fantasies and my boyfriend thinks I should start being more realistic and practical which makes me feel like he's un-supportive and insensitive and doesn't understand that I cannot deal with the pressure of succeeding in real life because I guess deep down inside I don't feel like it's possible. At the age of 29 I shouldn't still be so hung up on what my mother and father and older sister think. I should have found my own niche and worked on building it and being proud of it, but unfortunately it seems I am too desperate for love and approval to be able to have my own path. How do I stop being so pathetic?
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