Guys Ski Trip vs. Couples Retreat

This past February my 40yo male cousin, Dale, who is married with three kids asked me to go on a guys' ski trip with him. He's a partier and believes 'The more the merrier'. We drove up with his best friend, Tom, whom I'd never met before but heard a lot about. Long story short, we fell in love and are still together for this years' ski trip.

Dale went to plan the annual guys' ski trip again for this coming Jan 2-6 at their favorite slopes. Tom instantly did not want to go without me. We don't have a chance to go on many trips together as I am in Nursing School and have a daughter. But of course this week works out perfectly for me as my daughter is with her dad and it is my last week of winter break. Tom's friend, Quincy, that goes with the guys often wants to bring his fiance, too, and they are both committed to going.

Dale was upset at first that Tom was ruining the guys' ski trip. The truth is that Dale is not a family man and escapes his family as much as he possibly can. He has "guy events" constantly, and his stay-at-home wife's only escapes are a chiropractor appointment once a month and every Sunday she goes by herself grocery shopping for some alone time. But he went ahead and put a deposit on a 5-bed 4-bath house on the slopes and we did the same on a 2-bed 2-bath house nearby.

3 of the 5 guys that were going with them backed out. Two got new jobs and can't get the time off and the third just flat can't afford it. This means the two left are unable to go because it will be too expensive. Now Dale is ANGRY that he ruined the guys' annual ski trip by inviting me. He is absolutely irate with both Tom and I, and believes that I am telling Tom that he can't go without me, which is not the case whatsoever.

This past Sunday was my birthday. It was a pretty bad birthday in that everyone in the house was really sick but me and a good friend of mine passed away the day prior. I was reminiscing and doing the dishes when I checked my phone and saw I had a missed call from my cousins. I figured it was Dale's wife wishing me a happy birthday because we are pretty close. It was Dale. Wanting to express to me how utterly upset he is with me about the entire thing. I started bawling on the phone and told him now was not the time because it was my birthday and my friend just died. He hung up on me.

Before this happened, the guys used to speak on the phone constantly. At least several times a day. Now it's been 5 days and they haven't spoken. I don't want to be down with my own family over something as trivial as this. What should I do? Should I insist on making it a guys-only ski trip? I will probably only get to go skiing at the horrible local place once this year. Or should we continue on with our plans and chalk him up to still acting like a frat-boy? I need someone else's opinion!
By wihltsabow 8 years ago :: Entertainment
  • Milton Mankoff
    Ph.D.; LMSW
    Misunderstandings can create or escalate conflicts, but genuine incompatibility can also exist within relationships. Non-judgmental. LGHBTQIA-supportive. $2.75/minute
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  • Rafael Morales
    MA-MS, MHT-MHRS
    I have extensive training and expertise in clinical, counseling, transpersonal/integral psychology and coaching. I provide support to those willing to work on themselves… $2.75/minute
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