Is he being unreasonable?
*Sigh* I always seem to be back here asking this same question; is he being unreasonable? But it always seems to be the question on my mind, and to be honest, he isn't improving!
Before I ask this question though, I think I should just mention that I'm really asking these things because even if I'm not going to rehash them with him, I really just need some outside opinions (and reality!) to keep my head straight.
I may not be going to "kick him to the curb" as the result of all the opinions voiced here, but it helps my own sanity to get the opinions of people outside the situations.
So, here goes!
I do not drive due to a health condition, that I am undergoing expensive and lengthy treatments for. I am dealing with my health as best and quickly as I can, but for the forseeable future I will still not be able to drive. I currently catch buses, taxi's, get rides with my boyfriend (a lot of the time, as we live together and work in the same building), friends or parents, or walk.
BF often sighs exasperatedly over driving me, or comments on me being useless (sometimes in a joking way, sometimes not!), to the point that in everyday terms I will avoid any extra trips if at all possible. For instance, if we've used up some ingredient that we need for dinner (and it is often him using it up, and not mentioning it to me so I can plan around it!), instead of going to the shops, we will just try and go without that ingredient.
The other night we (boyfriend and I) had plans to go out in the city (about 15 mins drive from home) for a friend's birthday. We had planned to stay out quite late, but the day or so before his other friends asked him out for a boy's night. He said he'd come along after the birthday dinner, and I could hang around at the birthday or head home. We talked about whether he'd drive me back or I would catch a taxi, but he kept saying "no, it's no problem, I'll just drop you home!", as taxi's are very expensive in our town and cost around $50-$60 just for the short trip!
I was totally ok with catching a taxi and suggested it 3 or 4 times, as I know he gets frustrated with having to drive me around, but he always refused and said it was no problem.
The birthday dinner turned out to be a lot of people outside of our circle, and while we had a great time and mingled, by around 10-11pm we were definitely running out of things to talk about with strangers!
Since BF's friends had been texting him since 9ish asking when he could head over to them, I suggested we head off soon.
I again said I could just catch a taxi, but again he said things along the lines of "don't be ridiculous, of course I'll drive you!"
That attitude changed the moment we left the restaurant.
I was talking about how fun the evening had been, and feeling really happy. I noticed he wasn't responding, and had became really cold and formal (as he does when he's angry) and started walking really quickly ahead of me back to the car. When I caught up with him, I again said something like "Look I'm really fine to catch a taxi, don't be stupid, you'd have to drive back and park again and everything" and he replied "really? I'm the stupid one now?" in a really angry voice.
After that, we got in the car, but I started getting mad at his attitude towards me, and kept saying "you don't have to drive me, just drop me here and I can grab a taxi, why are you so angry at me, if you don't want to drive me you don't have to, I don't WANT you to drive me if you don't want to do it" and he kept replying "oh, so I'm a jerk now am I, you think I wont even drive you?" and things like that, until eventually he yelled at me to "just shut up and be fucking grateful" and there was silence all the way home in the car.
When we got home, he broke the silence by saying "I hope you realise I'm not going to bother driving back into the city now" and we ended up having a massive arguement.
He couldn't understand that I already feel guilty, useless, and like a burden when he has to drive me around. His sighs, comments, and finally resentment just make it worse and worse, and it really badly effects me. I guess I couldn't understand his point of view either, but from what he said it seemed like he hated being obliged to do things, but would feel like an asshole if he made me catch an expensive taxi home. So he did it, but he still seemed to take out the annoyance and resentment on me anyway. He didn't understand that especially when I was OFFERING to catch a taxi so I didn't ruin his night, I would PREFER it if I had to make my own way home rather than having him all resentful or angry at me. He became so rude and angry at me that I ended up in tears (which I HATE) and which seemed to make him angrier.
He remained icily cold and resentful throughout the argument, and refused to acknowledge that he had done anything wrong at all. I apologised about 20 times for being inconvenient, and for ruining his night, but kept telling him that I did not want him to do these things if he didn't want to, and was then just going to take out his resentment on me.
The argument blew over, and things are fine again (they haven't been that bad in a long while) and we've been happy, but it's dwelling on me and I seriously do not know how to deal with this ongoing issue. I have said over and over that I am FINE to use other transportation, but he seems to feel guilty if I do and therefore often wont let me. But even when he's forced the matter, he still does all the sighs, comments and occaisionally blatant resentment that really weigh on me.
Is he being unreasonable, how can I deal with this, and how can I get him to understand?
Before I ask this question though, I think I should just mention that I'm really asking these things because even if I'm not going to rehash them with him, I really just need some outside opinions (and reality!) to keep my head straight.
I may not be going to "kick him to the curb" as the result of all the opinions voiced here, but it helps my own sanity to get the opinions of people outside the situations.
So, here goes!
I do not drive due to a health condition, that I am undergoing expensive and lengthy treatments for. I am dealing with my health as best and quickly as I can, but for the forseeable future I will still not be able to drive. I currently catch buses, taxi's, get rides with my boyfriend (a lot of the time, as we live together and work in the same building), friends or parents, or walk.
BF often sighs exasperatedly over driving me, or comments on me being useless (sometimes in a joking way, sometimes not!), to the point that in everyday terms I will avoid any extra trips if at all possible. For instance, if we've used up some ingredient that we need for dinner (and it is often him using it up, and not mentioning it to me so I can plan around it!), instead of going to the shops, we will just try and go without that ingredient.
The other night we (boyfriend and I) had plans to go out in the city (about 15 mins drive from home) for a friend's birthday. We had planned to stay out quite late, but the day or so before his other friends asked him out for a boy's night. He said he'd come along after the birthday dinner, and I could hang around at the birthday or head home. We talked about whether he'd drive me back or I would catch a taxi, but he kept saying "no, it's no problem, I'll just drop you home!", as taxi's are very expensive in our town and cost around $50-$60 just for the short trip!
I was totally ok with catching a taxi and suggested it 3 or 4 times, as I know he gets frustrated with having to drive me around, but he always refused and said it was no problem.
The birthday dinner turned out to be a lot of people outside of our circle, and while we had a great time and mingled, by around 10-11pm we were definitely running out of things to talk about with strangers!
Since BF's friends had been texting him since 9ish asking when he could head over to them, I suggested we head off soon.
I again said I could just catch a taxi, but again he said things along the lines of "don't be ridiculous, of course I'll drive you!"
That attitude changed the moment we left the restaurant.
I was talking about how fun the evening had been, and feeling really happy. I noticed he wasn't responding, and had became really cold and formal (as he does when he's angry) and started walking really quickly ahead of me back to the car. When I caught up with him, I again said something like "Look I'm really fine to catch a taxi, don't be stupid, you'd have to drive back and park again and everything" and he replied "really? I'm the stupid one now?" in a really angry voice.
After that, we got in the car, but I started getting mad at his attitude towards me, and kept saying "you don't have to drive me, just drop me here and I can grab a taxi, why are you so angry at me, if you don't want to drive me you don't have to, I don't WANT you to drive me if you don't want to do it" and he kept replying "oh, so I'm a jerk now am I, you think I wont even drive you?" and things like that, until eventually he yelled at me to "just shut up and be fucking grateful" and there was silence all the way home in the car.
When we got home, he broke the silence by saying "I hope you realise I'm not going to bother driving back into the city now" and we ended up having a massive arguement.
He couldn't understand that I already feel guilty, useless, and like a burden when he has to drive me around. His sighs, comments, and finally resentment just make it worse and worse, and it really badly effects me. I guess I couldn't understand his point of view either, but from what he said it seemed like he hated being obliged to do things, but would feel like an asshole if he made me catch an expensive taxi home. So he did it, but he still seemed to take out the annoyance and resentment on me anyway. He didn't understand that especially when I was OFFERING to catch a taxi so I didn't ruin his night, I would PREFER it if I had to make my own way home rather than having him all resentful or angry at me. He became so rude and angry at me that I ended up in tears (which I HATE) and which seemed to make him angrier.
He remained icily cold and resentful throughout the argument, and refused to acknowledge that he had done anything wrong at all. I apologised about 20 times for being inconvenient, and for ruining his night, but kept telling him that I did not want him to do these things if he didn't want to, and was then just going to take out his resentment on me.
The argument blew over, and things are fine again (they haven't been that bad in a long while) and we've been happy, but it's dwelling on me and I seriously do not know how to deal with this ongoing issue. I have said over and over that I am FINE to use other transportation, but he seems to feel guilty if I do and therefore often wont let me. But even when he's forced the matter, he still does all the sighs, comments and occaisionally blatant resentment that really weigh on me.
Is he being unreasonable, how can I deal with this, and how can I get him to understand?
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