its like the more i do, the less it matters. im so confused, help

ok, my boyfriend and i have been dating for a total of about 3 years. we broke up for 2 years and got back together almost a year ago. so, now hes in the marine corps 1400 miles away from me and i get to see him like once every 3 or 4 months, so, the highlight of my day is talking to him. now that you know some background, let me tell you what happened today...

ok, so, today i took his littlest sister out to a movie. i try to take her out at least once every 2 weeks or so because she is a kid and no one else ever takes her out to do fun kid stuff. so anyway, we saw the movie and my aunt tagged along and she suggested we go out to eat afterwards. the place she wanted to go just happened to be the place that his other sister worked at... now for some more background...

his family and i use to have a really good relationship, exept for 2 or his 3 sisters, they have hated me from day one and i cant figure out why. well, after we broke up everything was still fine between his mom, dad, brother, youngest sister and i. his mom and i would go out together and go to dinner or go have a few drinks and play pool or something that would get her out of that crazy house she was in. well, brian and i started dating again and things changed between his mom and i. she has done crazy crazy things to me since last christmas, like a complete 180. she has yelled and cused me out for things that i had nothing to do with, she has threatened to damage my car if it meant that i couldnt see him, she has said that she is going to make me lose my job and all kinds of rediculous things. and let me tell you, im southern and i was brought up knowing that it is rude and unacceptable to back talk, yell, or disrespect any of my elders. so, every time, i have sat back and taken it, even when she is all up in my face screaming at me. and i have gone absolutely out of my way to please his family, especially in the last 4 months. i have appologised for things i havent done....3 times. and every time i essentially get a text back saying pretty mch that she doesnt care, she doesnt want a relationship with me, and that im obviously the devil... I HAVE NO IDEA. i have also taken his sister out to a very nice dinner and once again, appologized for what ever she thought i did to her... 3 years ago (really? who holds a 3 year grudge about nothing?) and the day after i took her out, things were back to normal. her shooting me dirty looks, slamming doors if she sees me outside her house talking to her brother or something and essentially throwing a hissy fit every time in any where near her. so, this question pretty much revolves around her. but, i will say that brian, my boyfriend, has asked me since december to try and make ammends with his family and appologize for what ever they think i did, and essentially kiss their ass 24/7. and, because this is what he wants, i have done it. and i have tried, HARD. and i have never asked him for anything in return except once, i asked him to say something to his mom after she chewed me out because she thought that one of my facebook posts was directed towards her... which it deffinately was not. ok, so, here is the story of what happened today after we got to the restaurant...

we got there, it was packed, waited for a table for 40 min. when our number was called we went to the desk to be seated. well, his sister, tiffani, the one who hates me for i dont know why, is there because she is a hostess. well, she didnt see me, but his younger sister wanted to go say hi to her so i said ok and took her to go say hi to her sister. well, tiffani still didnt see me and looked confused as to why her 8 year old sister was in there. then she looked up and saw me and shot me probably the dirtiest look ive ever seen and turned away. and my aunt looked at me with that, "did she really just do that?" look, and i nodded. we sat down, ate, and left. well on the way home the youngest sister told me that after i had left their house last week (i took her to a movie last week and took her hame and we played with sidewalk chalk. his sister and i wrote brian a message in chalk pretty much saying i miss u come home, she signed it and so did i) that tiffani had gotten home say my name and washed my name off the side walk.... im completely aware that this chick hates me, i just dont know why. well, i got home and called brian and told him about the looks she was giving me and about the sidewalk incident. and all i said was, please send her a facebook message (he cant have his phone at work) asking pretty much what her problem is and what i did to personally offend her. and also telling her that it is important to him that we be friends, or at least she fake it. all of that but in nicer words. and after i said that i was so speachless over his reaction. he immediately got angry the first time i said anything that she did to me! i mean like he was yelling and saying that if i didnt change the subject he was going to hang up on me, and it was just weird. i have no idea why asking him to do something that would take 30 seconds made him so irritated. and when he gets irritated, he completely acts like a child, doesnt listen to a word i say, constantly interrupting me, even when i say no let me say something he just interrupts me still but louder. as if what i had to say wasnt important to him. and the entire conversation, even though he was freaking out and throwing a fit on me, i remained very calm, and collected. i didnt yell, i didnt interrupt him. and when i asked why he was getting so angry, he said, because we have done this before. and what he means is, i have asked him to say something before. im not asking him to write them hate mail, all im aksing for is for him to tell them that it is important to him that we get along and ask them to put out some effort into it. because hes telling me that if i want this relationship to go any further, i have to try and make friends with them. which is fine, ive obviously been trying, doing everything he asks. but i shouldt be the only one trying here! im not the one who has a problem with them. they have a problem with me. and HONESTLY, i really dont know why. i just feel like im giving 110% here and they are just watching me make a fool out of myself. i really do feel like me, constantly inviting them to things that they never show up to, and bringing them cupcakes (im a baker) and taking them out to dinner and just completely putting myself out there, only to get the finger from all of them, makes me look like a fool. like i am content with being treated this way, and beleive me, im not. im an adult and doing this is like a bombing on my pride, integrity, and self confedence. im like the dog that brings you your paper and then u smack me with it and watch as i walk back to the corner... i just feel like, as an adult, i deserve a certian level of repect. evryone does, doesnt matter what age, everyone deserves respect. and if your are going to disrecpect me, u better not be younger than i am. i can take it from his mom, i dont appriciate it, but ill suck it up. but i am not ok with being disrespected my his sister, who is 2 years younger than i am. so, bottom line, what am i suppose to do about this, just sit here and take it like i always have? and at the end of your phone call tonight brian says that i should ask tiffani to hang out.... WHAT not thank you, ive already tried, i dont want to be the dirt under her shoes anymore. and why would i ask her to hang out?! she HATES me! she hates me so much she took time out of her day to wash my name off the sidewalk! so, finally, he gave me an answer and YELLED "YEA, FINE ILL DO IT! BUT NOT RIGHT NOW!"... and hangs up on me. and im sitting there dumbfounded wondering what just happened. and he calls back 15 min later and acts like nothing happened....., ok

so, 3 questions
1) what should i do about his sister? keep kissin her ass?
2) why on earth did brian react that way to me?! after i had just taken his other sister out for dinner and a movie? why does he want me to keep doing this with them and not want them to contribute? is it because he knows i wont say no?
3) do you think any member of his family is acting innapropriately? is he acting innapropriately? am i?

your answers are greatly appriciated and thank you for reading it all, i know its long
By psychmajor 7 years ago :: Dating
  • Robert Betancourt
    MA, Professional Counseling,Therapist
    Emotional Healing-25+ years experience in helping people find solutions that work. "one of the best therapists here" $1.99/minute
       4.93/5
  • Rafael Richman
    Ph.D.
    Are you feeling stuck, trapped in the same patterns that repeat over & over? Are you feeling angry, alone, unappreciated & unheard? I can help you. $2.85/minute
       4.84/5
  • View More Experts
    3