I help him out, but he never thinks to offer it when need help too!

I'm in a long term relationship with a live-in partner, and mostly things are great between us. However over the past 6 months I've been taking some extra certification for work, which means I'm doing a full-time of study on top of my full-time work!

I usually balance this ok (with a lot of late nights!) but as it came closer to the final exam period over the past couple weeks I've had less and less time to spend outside of study or work, and household chores have not only fallen behind, they've pretty much ceased to happen! I don't have much free time, and I'm usually pretty tired and try to spend it hanging out with him so he doesn't feel like I'm always just studying. Apart from that I have a few free snatches of moments that I try and do the chores in, but I'm really not getting very far!

In past instances when he had a lot on at work, or extra work on the side that's kept him really busy, I've taken on more of a load of the chores but also just done little things to try and help him out when he's working hard.
Even if that's just bringing him some tea, rubbing his shoulders, or handling his bills (the dreaded chore!) I always try and do what I can to lighten the load for him.

My problem is that being really busy myself has made me notice that if I don't cook dinner, no one does. If I don't take in the washing off the line, no one does - it has literally been there for a week now. Likewise for cleaning the kitchen, buying the groceries or washing the clothes, or any number of random household chores.

I've never really had a problem with this before, and because I actually really enjoy household chores, I'm not sure I would have noticed if it was very equal or not. We've never officially divided chores, but I know that there are things I don't do that he takes care of, so I've never really begrudged handling a lot of the other stuff. Even though things seem to have gradually all ended up on my plate! Problem is, he's not doing his stuff either.

It's not that I want him to handle all the chores, but if I'm really busy in the evening, with a huge assignment due the next day, and there are no groceries and no dinner in the house... I'd love if he made the effort to make or get me something. Or anything really, but I just want him to try and look after me, the way I do when he's busy. Instead I feel like if I don't stop and cook dinner/do the washing/whatever, it just isn't going to get done. For three nights in a row now neither of us have had dinner (although he did make himself some toast!) and before that we had 2 nights of take away.

I tried bringing this up, but he doesn't think he should have to do things for me if I'm too busy to do them. I've even suggested things like how about I take a time out from study, and we can cook and eat a nice meal together so we can actually spend some time together. But he said he didn't feel like cooking, and isn't that hungry anyway!
I'm just finding it really hurtful that he doesn't see the point in helping me out, after the countless times I've done my best to make his life easier!
By AimeeK 7 years ago :: Dating
  • Robert Betancourt
    MA, Professional Counseling,Therapist
    Emotional Healing-25+ years experience in helping people find solutions that work. "one of the best therapists here" $1.99/minute
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    MA Psych Cert Ed.
    Loving attachment is probably the greatest source of our happiness - I can help if it is going wrong - or manage the hurt if its over $2.00/minute
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