Help with mother in law, need advise bad!?

I have a 7 month old with my husband. All of our parents live in the same town. They are all great grandparents to our little girl. My mom always sees her and so does my dad. The problem is my mother in law rarely ever calls me. She says she doesnt like to seem pushy towards me when i told her i would love for her to call more. She wont ever ask to have my daughter over to spend time with her. It always has to be about well if you guys need a break call me, or if you need to go run errands i can watch the baby for you. She has never said id love to have the baby for an afternoon. When i told her that i like when my mom calls and asks to see the baby and it doesnt seem pushy at all to me, she said well you are her daughter (meaning its easier for her to do that) This hurt my feelings because she just kinda sits back and waits for me or my husband to call and ask to use her for a babysitter. She rarely ever has us over for dinner. We are usually the ones to call her. I have never given her any indication that i dont want her to be in our lives. We love her. She recenlty went to her granddaughters graduation and both grandparents were there. When she returned me and my husband and her husband ate dinner and she said that she allowed the other grandma to have the kids all to herself, that she didnt want her to think she was in competition. I said well why couldnt you both have just spent time w/ them and she said well i just decided to stay out of the way and help with dinners and stuff. I said maybe she wanted you to join in too, she said "well she didnt ask me". i thought well that sounds very immature she shouldnt have to ask you. one time i just came out and said how come you dont call more and she said well i dont wanna intrude on your moms time with the baby. im thinking well how do you know your intruding if u dont bother to even ask what im up to! i feel as if she likes to feel sorry for herself. my husband says she likes to play victim, she likes to be the mother theresa. i dont understand this, she assumes things that arent even there. i have said it a few times that i just want her to call up and ask for the baby instead of making it about a babysitter. and now she wont even do that. how can i help make this whole situation better. she thinks shed be being pushy by calling more but to me that is just being involved with me and the babys life. she comes off distant to me.
i feel it is rude to NOT call, to not invite us over for dinner, to not see her grandaughter, she has gone a few times for 2 weeks without seeing her and we live 7 minutes from her. I am not a confrontational person so it is hard for me to express my feelings to her. I have said though upfront id love for you to call and invite me over sometime etc. We have a great relationship other than this "wall" that is there. I feel as is if she is looking for a way to feel victimized and i dont want that because she has no reason to feel the way she does. My mom was very hurt by her "i dont want to intrude on your moms time with the baby" becausse she felt as if she was implying that my mom would feel that way. Any advice? Should i just let her feel sorry for herself? My husband gets frustrated to, he has said my parents are way better g-parents to the baby (not to his mother to me), i know they love her the same though. he told me that it was just her loss that she refuses to say what she really wants. Please help!!
By dnb21 7 years ago :: Family (Extended)
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