Husband going on business trip

My husband does not travel often for work maybe 2 or 3 times a year and I hated.
He calls me from work last week to tell me that his going to moscow. Leaving Sunday and returning home on Wednesday.

I became furious because I had something plan for that week and he says that it had to wait because the company is going to relinquish the immigration job that a woman in moscow is doing and that it will be given to an outside vendor. Since my husband is an immigration specialist they need him to make sure that everything is handed over to the outside vendor that will now be handling russia for his company. All this I understand.
I am furious because this good looking woman that works with him is also going. She's attractive,5'10'' long blonde hair blue eyes. It gets me so upset that they are both going to travel together.
They arrive Moscow sunday at 4pm and I'm thinking they both are going to get in the taxi go to the hotel;must likely go sightseeing and then going out to eat together. Next morning both go to work and then spending 3 evenings together.
when my husband and I were just friends (friends for 7months) he use tell me that when he travel for work he would see women in those conferences hooking up with other guys. So I also have that thought in my head.

I was so upset with him I cursed him out. He says you act like this you don't love me and said yes I do love you; you are ugly; you are not handsome at all so you see I said to him I do love you cause how else would I be with someone who is ugly.
I also said to him the reason your mom moved to states and left you in your country with your family is because she's a [email protected]# and she was busy with men here instead of loving you.
I also said to him and you know what you want me to have oral sex but i do not and not because i don't like it but because you smell horrible.
I feel so bad for saying those things to him but i'm furious that he has travel with that woman.
He wanted to divorce me but now says he is going to give me one last try.
I really do not want to be jeaolous. I tried therapy and this counselors talk to me but i see no change.
Right now I'm going hysterical because he went to black tie event. It was and award dinner for different companies in his field. I went to the companies website which gave the event and they uploaded the pics from the event. All other guys were in groups with other people and then I ran into a picture of my husband with one attractive woman and then another picture of him with 2 women. I become very angry because why was he with those women. Why wasn't he like the other guys that were hanging around together. It makes me feel was my husband with these women because he found them attractive and trying to create a bond.
He tells me that he loves me, he says his very hurt over the things I said to him. I also want to say that 3 days before he told me he was going to Russia; he said that loves a lot that he wants us to have the church ceremony, he said something he never has said before he called me soulmate and I love you so much and he said I don't want us to argue anymore and I want us to concentrate on us. He said I want us travel and not stress over having baby. He said imagine how cool it would be if we don't become stress and just have fun and then we get pregnant.
I become afraid because I feel that when a men and a woman hang out and interest is going to arise.
I know i'm very insecure. I know my past of seeing my father being unfaithful is NOT helping. I'm trying to change but this whole jealousy consumes every single cell in my body.
My husband says that men and women can be just friends. He said look how I met you. I met my husband because he use to hang out with a female friend. He met this woman in NYC while ordering a hot dog but nothing ever happened. He says I'm a sociable guy. He says the one I choose is you, the one I choose to be my wife is you.
By Sofie 7 years ago :: Marriage
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