When is it time to walk away and can you still remain friends.

I haven't posted in years. I took the time to work on me and my relationship. I am proud to say that I have gotten wiser, did my work and gave my relationship the best shot I could. After counseling, self reflection and improvement and 24 years, I feel like I have taken my life with the man I have loved for 24 years as far as it will go.
Lately, it just feels like there is nothing there. We aren't really intimate or affectionate with each other, communication is strained and I have to admit that I don't feel attracted to him anymore. I do love him. After all we have been through so much and the things we have BOTH done to each other, I would be niaeve to say I don't love him. After 24 years, 5 children (blended family-2 from my first marriage, 1 from his past relationship before me and 2 we had together), and 8 grandchildren we have done a lot together. But I have begun to ask myself what holds us together. Our youngest child is 16 years old and a sophomore in high school. I think it is sad that at one time I stayed in this relationship for the sake of our youngest child. I have never asked how he felt if I left his father and I have to admit that the only thing that makes me hesitant is that they have a very good relationship and I don't want to be the one who separates them.
My fear is that if I walk away, we won't be cordial, we won't co-parent and he will hold a grudge. He might surprise me, but I doubt it. I would love to just be friends. I don't think we were ever friends. There was lust, passion, pregnancy, blended family, responsibilites and then life! We never really became friends first! I think he really is a good guy, we just aren't good together anymore. There is alot of distrust, apathy, and anger between the two of us. We hide it well, but it's getting harder to fake and I know that my son can see the distance. I don't want my son to see a relationship between his parents, a man and woman this way. I want him to see what two people look like who love each other and are friends should be. The only reason I stay is, I don't want my son's last two years at home before he goes to college to be painful for him if he sees us separate and I have to admit that I still have a sacrificing nature and would hold on until he graduates just so that he wouldn't have to witness what the breakup would bring.
To be honest, I really feel like I want to be on my own, alone and discovering what the world has to offer. I've been feeling held back, unappreciated, taken for granted and just not loved by my husband for a long time. I used to feel like I wanted to figure out what I could do to make all that change, make him love me...but now I don't care anymore. I just want peace, to be happy and to enjoy my life and if that means alone then I'm ok with that.
Is there every a RIGHT time to say what I need to say to my husband? Is there a way to say what I need to say and he not feel like I'm walking out on him or abandoning him? There isn't another man in the picture, although he may think there is. Truth is, I really don't want to be in another relationship, I just want to be in a relationship with me for once and discover all there is about me and be my own best friend! I guess the truth is, I'm not asking should I leave, I'm just wondering how do I say what I need to say without hurting him badly. Truth is, I don't think he will be hurt, because most of the time he acts like he doesn't even care. I guess I just don't want to be the one to pull the trigger.....I believe he is unhappy too and I don't know why he won't walk away! It definitely would make it easier on me, because I promise I wouldn't protest, lose my mind or beg him not to leave!
It is sad though....24 years is a long time......I just feel like it's time to move on!
By motivatedmom6 4 months ago :: Marriage
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