Am i too needy? Am i a sex addict?

Ok here is the story i was in a really bad marriage for 8 years, he never wanted to be around me have sex with me or even talk to me...he was very abusive, mentally and emotional. I stayed for my daughters sake. Me and him fought all the time, he wanted to be alone all the time. He never even went with me to the store to pick out Christmas for the kids. He never ever even acknowledged holidays like my birthday our anniversary, Christmas, Valentines Day, Etc. So i put up with it way too long, my self esteem got crushed i felt HORRIBLE about myself, in my eyes if he didnt want me noone did. We had sex like 2 times every 3-4 months. But after i finally woke up, i got my own apartment and got my self esteem back i lost 30 pounds and was feeling great. Then i met a guy i worked with.... he was EVERYTHING I wanted. He wanted to be around me, wanted to take me places, he told me all the things a girl likes to hear. I mean he kissed me and i could tell that he loved me, and i could just hug him and he would be ready to go tackle me, it didnt take much for me to turn him on. I thought wow...he really wants me and that made me feel great for once in my life. He was everything that my ex-husband wasnt. He wanted to go with me to my familys Christmas and things like that. And another plus was that he didnt have any ex wifes or children. So we started dating and i of course fell so hard for this guy. We started dating and he stayed at my apartment ALL the time. Well we moved really fast. Really Really fast and we were ok with that. Well after about 6 months of us dating i got pregnant, which was great!!! but after we were together for about 5 months things kinda started getting crazy.....he would start being really possessive, he didnt want me to go anywhere with out him, he didnt like me talking to any guys at work...stuff like that he got really jealous, which at first i didnt mind cause i looked at it as him, really loving me. And i kinda of liked it to be honest....i had never had a man want me for me like that. Well 8 months into the relationship (2 months pregnant) the jealousy got worse, and i told him it had to stop..at this point he was putting spyware, on the computer to see what i was doing and he would write guys that i went to school with my entire life and tell them not to write me or contact me, so i got tired of it..and it got really bad so about 9 months into it we split up...beacuase i guess with me being pregnant and i had stopped smoking..i was really moody, but he would text me,call me, email me, come by, all the time and would tell me how sorry he was and that he wanted to come back....i wanted him to come back too but i felt i had to stand my ground, so i kept telling him i needed a little time. so we were split up for about 2 months..then when i was 6 months we started tryin to work things out and a month later he moved back in. Well things were better, he wasnt doing all those things anymore. EVERYTHING was PERFECT...i worked up until a month before i had our son. Then i told him i wanted to stay home with the kids and he said that was fine, but all his life he had lived with his older brother and never really had bills, so i guess he didnt understand how much to live cost. So i had our son, and he was in the with me 100%. Then you know you cant have sex for 6 weeks. Well that was fine...but i could tell he was being a little distant with me. He said he was just trying to not to be all clingy to me. And i told him that when we were togther the first time it was just a little over the top plus i was pregnant and moody and i still wanted him to hold me and be there. So our son is 8 months old now...and we got married when he was 5 weeks old..He proposed when i was in labor...1 minute after the doctor broke my water!! lol. Anyways, we have been happy he is working and paying all the bills and we are doing good, he is soo sweet to me. We just bought a house 1 month ago. But i am unhappy with our sex life. To me having sex is not about getting off. I want him to want me like he used to. I want the foreplay and us just having us time. me and him. It isnt about the ACTUALLY sex. well we have had sex maybe 12 times since the baby has been born. He doesnt send me emails like he did before....i send him some of the sweetest love letters ever and he reads them and never says anything else about them. That hurts my feelings. I want to talk to him and he acts like i talk to much. I tell him all the time i want things to go back to the way things used to be. I asked him if it is me and he says no it is him...(yeah right) well this is starting to were on my self esteem.... i feel like he doesnt want to have sex with me anymore...i feel like he isnt attracted to me anymore. I dont know then sometimes i think i am being a little over the top, i know he loves me. I have asked him if he looked at me different after seeing his son being born and he says yes....and that killed me... i am crying now typing this. I said what do you mean...he says now he sees me as a mommy and not his girlfriend and i said is that a bad thing he says no.. but that is hard to believe. He says that he has put on about 15 pounds and that has made him not in the mood....i mean folks tell me try new things...i have tried it all like the other day i got up took a shower then a few hours later he was going to take one and i as hugged up on him and i said can i get in there and he said sure...so i started getting excited and i said but i already had my shower for the day and he said ok i said i aint getting in there to get clean and he says well there is time for that later i said when and he said tonight and i said yeah right...and we didn't have sex that night either....so every time this happens it runs my esteem down lower and lower. So i even tried not asking or saying anything about it....and that didn't work. I take care of the kids and ALL the housework so he doesn't have to worry about all that. If anything i should be the one tired and not in the mood, but i aint i want it. I want him to hug and kiss me and hold me and be here for me.. But then at times i think wow....i cant have my cake and eat it too. SO i dont know am i too needy or what.....i want him around me all the time. Like i dont know what to do.. i tell him that i need him here that i am a very emotional and loving person and i just feel i aint getting that back. For instance today is Saturday and he had to work a split (11-7) well my daugher had homecoming and i got ALL fixed up and i was wanting to look good for him...well he called about 3 to say he might get off at 5 and i said great you can met us at the homecoming ceremony...that starts at 430 and i could tell he didnt want to...so i just said forget it because i am tried of begging him to do something with us and i feel that this is a repeat of my first marriage.Then he started talking about a football game going to be on at 615 and i said yeah ok...cause i mean come on you can make time for a stupid college football game but not one that his step daugher is in. I mean i have a family i want us to spend time as a family! Well i went to the homecoming and i was so proud of my daughter but it was jsut me there as usual. (she got 2nd alternate homecoming queen!!!! YEAH) neways so we went to eat and then i got home and he wasnt here so i figured that he was going to have to work the whole shift so i got the kids to bed and i was still all dolled up cause i wanted him to see me well he calls at 745 and said he got off at 615 he was at his friends house watching the game i said oh really?? he said yeah are you mad i said no..but with a tone were he would know i was mad. He said he was trying to tell me that he was going over there when he called at 3, but i got off the phone.....yeah cause i mean my gosh. I just feel that if he can make time to do things like that why cant he make time for me....I mean if your wife is beggin you for attention..why not turn the Xbox off an hour early and us lay in the bed and cuddle? I have tried to talk to him but he sees that i am bitching all the time and i dont want him to think that....i mean i aint mad that he is hanging out with his friend cause i trust him but i mean why didnt he ask me if i wanted to go or if me and him could watch the game? I just feel like he is not wanting me as much. SO my question is ...am i being to needy. or is my past marraige always going to remind me and make me think my old negative ways about a guy not wanting me? And i do feel like a sex addict some times....i never have heard of the woman begging the man for sex? I feel soo pathetic. I need what to do..do i chiill out and come down or what? PLEASE HELP!
By inlovewithmaimi 9 years ago :: Marriage
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